8/11

despite all the bullshits i typed, i went to play basketball. life is too boring without it.
boss tanya: "mau?"
aku cakap: tak mau! tak mau!,
then the 3rd time: "ok i on wat time?"

situation is the same, this kind of teammate and that kind of opponent, again. how much shit is this getting to me, 犯贱 meh?





as usual, i try to communicate, remind, work together, but somehow thai kid can understand better compare to chinese, 吾言难明？非汝耳不鸣?! slow reaction, small processor, blind, deaf, whichever term you use, they make me wana puke. since you are alrdy an OKU, pls la, drop your ego, hold ball 1st thing, shoot, wtf zz like that waste chance, u expect me to give you the ball meh? continuous missing breaks the team streak, fire, ohm, heat, will, whatever term you use, and you lose faith, if me also dont want give you ball, til u go home also i think u wont touch the ball. shoot is 1 thing, layup somemore.


layup is the most basic, easiest, accurate technique to score GIVEN:


1) you pass through all enemy
2) you get close enough to lay the ball in to the hoop
3) if 1 & 2 is not fulfill, please be either tall/strong enough to push in





budak, depan defender dance chacha while
holding a basketball is definitely NOT passing through your enemy, and how far are you frm the damn hoop, and you really got the balls to throw it in frnt of justin. FINE, i am ready to save your ass, but justin din even give me a chance cos you did it TOO obvious and he just slam your damn ball away right in frnt of your face. suppose trial and error is a good way to improve, but by changing chacha to samba IS NOT HELPING, AT ALL. normally 1 slap is enough, wow this guy is persistence enough even i dont feel like stopping him anymore... i wanted to smacked him in the face, its not that i din tell him, like i say,  OKU, deaf, or maybe i aint persuasive enough, true, who am i to tell you facts, ok fine ignore me pls, keep doing it, i bo bat jiu kua liao.

1 game, blood rush 1 time, looks like i have very low EQ, and today i actually lost to kids, budak budak sapu depan muka aku, 何等凄惨，谁能知晓? its not that i am scare of losing, nor 输不起, but, why should i lose? if we give in everything and we still lose, its cool, i find it fun, but i gav in +10, u pour in *(-1), how much effort i put in is futile, wasted, throw off, crumble, destroyed, whichever word you find it convenient.



i had a dream, a pair of shoes, a red-white jersey, a team of friends, tons of practices, countless of victories over loss. this make me regret studying, having results, end up in a different environment. i hate studies, no matter how much i score, i wont feel happy; no matter how interesting the subject is, i wont feel like studying. these yrs, i have been dreaming, slping, farming in class, i always sit beside a plug to charge my phone, i farm every 20 mins, spacing off while troops are getting ready.

but every time before exam, when i see the price per subject, and my mum's face, i have no choice but to study. sit down on the damn chair, staring at the past yr papers, without knowing how and why, i memorize every single question and answer, 12 hr be4 i go into the damn hall. thermodynamics, i never actually understood why this formula need to be used in this situation, the teacher was very lenient in class, as long as u shut up, he dont care, so i never actually listen to him for the whole sem.(and i get my Xbows, yeah!)




my carry marks was 20.6/40, well at least got half haha for final i got a B-, 65-69, so what i get for finals is 44/60, very low marks leh?? but i only had 12 hrs excluding sleeping and eating time, and there is only 8 past year papers, the 5th question was something new so this score was expected.

so this means i will score better if i study more, but i dont like it, so fck it. i nvr actually had the balls to pursue what i loved, i missed so many things, so many chances, so many people, cos i din do it right, cos i din say it out, i realize, but i din grab it. 21 is a year that open minds, despite its open, the things which were missed will nvr come bck, the Ds i got will never turn to A, the things i said will never be forget, the actions i done will always be remember, and the things that i havent done, will still remain undone, no matter how much i redo it now.

i am too old for dreams now, should i start by throwing my old basketball shoes and gift my ball to someone?? maybe that damn jersey also, i wont be wearing it anyway. why i 去到那么尽? because i love basketball, i dont dare to love it more, but i am scared of dumping it, 这种暧昧乱伦混淆的少女心情, 真TM難明~ <3 br="">

6/11

看着那件球衣，红十二，是我的成就。我的技术，速度，是我的努力。那粒Molten gg7, 是我的红包钱。而现在，是时候告诉自己，要收手了。听人家说，到了一定的巅峰期，就会因为闷而退出。我说，到了巅峰，怎会放弃呢？不是会更醉心吗？我的右脚，从十四岁开始到现在，扭伤不少过40次，这绝对不是夸张，严格来说，废了。左脚也有7，8次，左手肩膀也脱臼脱到没feel了，双手拇指都受过伤，脚底的水泡印到现在还隐隐约约，这是我认真，努力的过程中经过的小挫折，我没有放弃，也没有后悔。昨天下楼梯时，脚踝竟然敢敢跟我松去，从4楼的楼梯，只好一步一步地走，后悔吗？没有，但影响却多少浮现了。到了我这个水准，技术已经没有多少可以再进步的空间，唯一输人的，就是跳不高，跑不快，撑不久，撞不得。这些都是后天努力可以补回的，但我决定放弃。没有任何再让我继续执着，继续变强的理由了。那停留在我现在这个样子，有问题吗？像我这样，遇弱即赢，遇强即输，还有什么东西好玩呢？最近也让我深深体会到猪一般的队友这个句子。但我想，我当别人是猪，难道别人当我神吗？自己几多斤两自己清楚，我没有鄙视人的资格，完全没有。我自己就是一个笑话，我也没有笑人的资格，更加没有。不过我真的闷了，我若不练，就跟不上强者的对决，但继续跟这么底水准的人打球，浪费时间，还要特地配合他们，还有自己的旧伤风险，不值得。我还是很爱篮球，一个假动作向右，转身带到左边，运进去，打个两步，跳了起来，在空中闪过对手的手，轻轻地把球放上去，这是我的绝技，我最威风的招，但带有的风险，是随时得躺在床上几个月的。撞到别人就跌倒，站不稳就会扭伤，我那脆弱的左手又会脱臼，对手送我的，elbows, 等等等等。而且也没有值得我那么认真的队友，神一般的对手算得了什么？有什么assignment是容易的？神一般的功课，永远都是猪一般的队友让你得不到高分，无需自责！就，再见，篮球，这不是我第一次想quit，从来没有一次成功，但是时候开始了。

2/11

ytd ply bball, team A gt ks, ks, pro kid + a kid, team B is me, lim, thai kid + a pro. My team gt a pro, tall, strong, accurate and calibur, good, i feel lucky. As we play, he starts to communicate, i am happy that he isnt the kind that only scores by himself, we got to do some teamplay which is fun. But we played 2 rounds, in the end i still cant understand his pattern of atkin, and i cant guard opponent pro kid which let us lose a lot of points. So here comes, pro dulan alrdy, but he din fck lim misses or thai kid misses, oni i kena. Why u pass like that? Why u din let him score? Why u din do it properly? I was like, the other 2 make more obvious and stupid mistakes why only i kena??!! I should be happy, the pro treat me as a human and want to communicate, cos i can see him treat lim and the kid as pawns, but i seriously dont know how to coordinate a guy i just met, i end up saying sry for the whole game for all the misses i made. I feel abit, 不甘愿, i have to take on opponent best scorer, and in the same time u want me to atk while our team is under height disadvantage, u urself so tall dun wan ply inside, ngai hou confuse yi sia lo. The last 5 mins i am apologizing like mad and he is still scolding me, u tell me wat to fix la, dun la just scold. The other 2 din even get a single word frm u, suddenly i feel, why i kena leh... TT this aint the 1st time, pro tends to pressure u more when u r just a little itsy bitsy more capable than others, but he din fully utilize me also, i din even gt a chance to do any of my layups, so much for communicating, hmmph! then again i am proud to be recognize, human dont speak to ant, at least i aint as insignificant as others, self consult, haiz...

1/11

寂静的夜晚，回到自己的房间，睡不着。上个月发生的事情，大事小事，好事坏事，不停回首。我有时很希望我是比较笨一点的，i mean, 已经很笨了，再笨一点的，酱就不会想那么多多余的事情。紧张Internship 的事，其实是我妈比较紧张，每半天就问一次，为了敷衍她，写了很多信给很多公司，然后昨天有Talk，我打死都不会忘记，我上个礼拜看错日期白去一次，害到我被妈Ditch去了Penang，昨天听了才知道，学校已经安排好了，那我之前写的信... 他妈的... 星期3 傍晚拿到房间，是这个月最幸运的事，我开心到雨中漫步，哪里懂拜4来个🐝探记，还要是一窝蜂，我看到时傻了眼，然而有个强大的室友，用烟熏，搞定了。此房间绝对风水不好，这房间瞬间变了我最不幸运的事... 然后我室友跟女友XxXX多没做防范，好像Kena东东，他告诉我时，手上拿着我的水壶喝着，STD 会从口水传染吗？够力... 傍晚还要去看医生，I mean 他啦，我当然没事。最开心还是回家做宅男，听歌看动漫。最近看完了 Haikyuu，热血排球，搞到我有mood试了。然后还有Shigatsu Wa Kimi No Uso，听到 Original 的 twinkle2 little star by Mozart, jaw drop liao 一下。还有goose house 的音乐，beautiful voices. 从上个礼拜爬完山，到现在还是不够睡，不过睡不着... 偶尔会脚软，旧伤痛，每个早上都打瞌睡，还要听那些不懂他们在讲啥的lecture, 真是头痛，想COC 3G 还要背叛我，load 到的时候轮到battery 背叛我，干... 今天被JK叫去吃晚餐，说是他生日，我本来想说是ON的，然后问有谁，全部都不熟，当然我完全没问题，不管你那一个Fm我都可以较到，不过就突然不是很想去，临时放了他鸽子。我得跟上他们的话题，同时要讲些我平时没做的东西，可能还要喝酒，sry la 就算是你生日我都没脸给，paiseh. 我整个Gang只叫我一个，应该算是荣幸，but nvm la~ thx anyway. Time to slp, november is getting cold, take care~ LOL

24/10

Today isnt a very good day, Had basketball matches yesterday and early in the morning got awake cos of grandma, she wake me up for nth, can u believe it? There goes my beautiful morning. I dont feel good, lost 2 matches yesterday, not because of godlike enemy, u can say its because of doglike teammates. I dont like to blame, its not my style, a lost game contains everyone's mistakes and a win game builds up by everyone's contribution. At least that was what i believed. I dont feel good, its something like girls got emo for a lot of complicating stuff, guys very simple one la. I cant scold anyone, i am not qualified, i have to take this grudge and demolish it in some way, well time wash stuffs away. I also believe time change a person, i nvr ones hold grudge because somehow i believe that person will change(except 2 homosapians somewhr lost in this planet), but how long my EQ can take? I have very fckin low EQ, IQ is another story dont lump them together. I just dont have a good memory so i tend to forget things fast, thats how i balance up my lack of EQ, but how bout we try another approach? so i stop playing with u, then i dont need to be angry of you? sounds like a good approach rite? u arent wrong, ur ego is ur source of confident in shooting, ur miss is because, i duno, wind blow? sun block? hand misposition? zhong zhi is not ur fault rite? u dont owe us a sry, i understand. Its all the rebounders fault, ur miss ball we cant save, sry for not being as tall as yao ming. u din pass to us is because u were too fast when u dribble thats why u dont pause to stable urself but u choose to throw the ball up (well this can be listed in top 3 worst reasons in mankind history) stop running, stand still, look, and pass, i nvr wana say this, but how hard is it to do it? how bout i tell u wat u thinking in mind?? I, am the best shooter in the team, i give u, u will miss anyway, might as well i sendiri throw up, more chance to score?? dont need explain la, kepala u simpan apa juice aku buta meh? u wan, u shoot la, janji u masuk, tapi problem is u tak masuk, but keep shoot. Hung is the no comment guy, i keep quiet, u 2 big small mother fcker jiu keep shoot la, keep miss, but still can keep shoot, 你妈的哪来的自信. I can score, but when u pass me the ball, ur 不是很甘愿 face shown up, u know i was like, ok i giv u back, then u shoot, u miss, i am outside, ur most hansom backup is outside bro, 看谁补你的锅. canot la, i am tired of this shit, bu shuang jiu bu yao liao la, i dont mind, our trust u take for granted, we giv u the honor to be the teams main character, 不是我们不可以，是我们让你, u buang peluang, we buang u. When i type til here, i will always think, is it my fault? it might had been my fault. I cant be the one who is always right? 这时矛盾的心情打断了我的思绪, 是不是时候回房反省?  一场游戏, 何须认真? wah canot type liao, 越打越觉得自己像女人, time to stop.

23/10

Since 2 weeks ago, i have been playin basketball everyday, so my routine is, mamak eat, bball, mamak drink, if its raining, means it will become mamak eat + drink. I cant believe how many packs of maggi and how many cups of teh i drank. Even though i noe that i will die early, come on la this is not the way man. My KG is reaching 60, or it has alrdy reach and is time to exceed 60, GG. If its raining, i will be either farming in d2 or farming in COC, i think it is more tiring than last sem's finals. Time to keep fit. I called ppl for basketball later, but its gonna rain again anyway, damn monsoon season. But i ate 2 pack of maggi goreng yesterday, last time i wont feel anything but after looking at some ppl, finally i got the urge to quit mamak. So i saw yi jie in fb asking me bball this weekend, i say lets see first since its gonna rain, he say if not he will go badminton. My 1st question is: got chau? I see positive answer, so means, NO! I dont hate badminton, i rather ply wif pik yin if there is chau, rite my beloved pik?? I nvr actually cared bout the skills, its the attitude. Yesterday played dota, plyed wif my friend and his cousin, while losing, he start to blame us, blame his cousin like all mighty, yea partially is my fault, but, is time to fight :D talk about foul language frm 8 types of nation, i wont lose to him in some stupid net fight. (so childish rite guys are) jiu shi bu shuang ni luan luan diao ren, u correct dou diao dao u wrong. I got so bored until i go read back conan manga, its ending anyway, boring, case after case ppl die and die and he solve and solve, last time was refreshing, got bored. Then waiting for the animes to release, this season i am chasing almost 10 series, but 1 week 1 episode is pure hell, i even start to watch sailormoon crystal (new one), last time sailor jupiter can strike tunder one meh??! this remake is no joke!! Every morning wake up wana eat breakfast bo kaki, lazy to out so stay at home alone, then noon hav to eat mamak again, GG this is too dramatic, better go eat smthn 1st.

8/10

很闷的一天，见书架上有本连城诀，拿来看一看。平时全字的书，我连两页都看不完就睡了。这本看了200页，不懂是我闷还是书好看。狄云，男主角，师承戚长发，绝招是躺尸剑法。那天与师妹师父参加师伯生日，得罪他儿子，在50页里面从乡下人变强奸犯，师父变杀人犯，师妹？原来是那个Pokai儿子喜欢师妹，才想尽办法搞定男主角。男主角被打到 i duno how to describe, 两条链，四头钉，一端打在双肩，另一端到脚踝，我妈的酱不如去死?! 妈的看到我全身都痛，nt even the slightest helpful, 不过我还是看下去。在牢里遇上丁典，差不多一样Case。丁典看见戚长发和另外两个同门弑师，救了老师傅，死前传他连城诀心法，神照经。然后狄云自己原来在练着连成剑法的“唐诗剑法”，怪不得自己师父要弑师，唐诗变躺尸，这么久以来学了个屁武功，哈哈。不过让我感兴趣的是丁典的爱情故事💓。他喜欢上县官的女儿，但kononnya他样子像大便，但她样子像神仙，就是都爱花，讲花可以讲到白天黑夜，讲到❤️都出来。不出奇，我朋友那是每次做工跟他Supervisor看upin and ipin看到出火花，看花看到❤️一点都不出奇, gua... 他们无所不谈，没想到他笨到跟女的讲他有神照经口诀，facepalm. 那天见家长，县官下药，GG。他就这样坐了7年的牢，每天县官都派人进去Kacau他，到狄云来了，丁典以为狄云是县官派来的，又被hentam了一番... kesian... 做男主角做到这样，Win liao lo... But每天背窗的沟渠，女的，每一天，7年，都给他换花，还对丁典笑一下，但只有一眼，即刻转头，看见条仔坐牢，可以笑得出meh... 女友为了不嫁人，自行毁容 TT 他为了让女友开心，不杀县官。连续1个礼拜，没换花，丁典beh tahan, 爆墙壁，i was like, dafaq? why dont you do it earlier? 飞到县官家，看见棺材，哭了起来。尼玛被折磨7年，女友死了，县官Sohai在棺材上放毒，丁典去kiss棺材，end of the love story. 神照经，一掌可以干掉任何人的内功心法，竟然为了一个女子，甘心坐牢，女子为了等他，甘心毁容。不用看爱情小说，看金庸就够了咯。夏雪宜温仪，郭靖黄蓉，张无忌赵敏，fuaa 韩剧日剧给我靠边去哈哈, no offence LOL