8/7

Cant believe i wake up in tears dreaming of me spilling the soup after few hrs of lining up for a famous kari mee, wtf much more sad, stupid, and more regretful things had happened i also dun giv a shit, and i cry over fckin kari mee. Power of Kdrama, emotions are shared and felt through the stupid monitor. I never wanted to watch this drama, cos the name and thumbnail look stupid, "another miss oh".

This Kdrama is dumb. DK wife name OHY ditch him the day of marriage; after a year a guy name TJ is getting marry to a girl name OHY, so to get revenge DK made the guy bankrupt, and then oni find out the OHY are both different people. 

First thing, how can this mistake happen? u dont even bother checking the person and cos of the name u go and boom ppl, kidding me. 

But it completely hook me up, the whole drama successfully str my emotion up. OHY , because of her name (the other OHY is more pretty, smart, they same school, everytime kena compare), she at school kena bully, when ppl call her name, but they r nt finding her, her work was a mess as well, kena bully by supervisor, and 1 day boom fiancee break up wif her telling her "i hate the look of ur face when u eat" (actually he going to jail cos bankrupt). Total wreck, her life was a mess, she was gonna get marry, which is her only best thing in life, pitifully got screwed.

The nice thing to watch is how she handle all this stress. She nvr had consider suicide or killing someone else. She walks confidently to work even thou everyone laugh at her for cancelling marriage the day be4 it, she even cheat everyone telling them she is the one that cancel it, make her sound less embarassing. Goes aroung telling everyone i dump that guy cos he sucks, wearing heavy make up and killing high heels, going blind dates every few days, every night drink until fully wasted, then nxt day go to work like a boss agn. Doesnt matter who talk shit to her, she totally accept and ignore, but when no one is watching, how much tears, how much sadness in the eyes, My life is ruined, but i still have to go on. The mistake was stupid, but how it impact on the MC life, wow tis drama is one hell of a genius. 1 fckin mistake of 2 ppl life, turn in to a 20ep drama, of cos there are some side character, but it mainly revolve among the 2 OHY.

Sad when u r always compared to someone, cos of their excellence u ll always be neglected, always belittled, even after that ur life get screwed juz cos of ur fckin name. Haven finish the whole thing can feel the characters emotion dy, kidding me soup, kidding me.

9/5

wan exam liao, every sem punya routine, when finals come, i suddenly will 才华洋溢，笔下生花，百感交集，every feel exp study feel will pop out. In order to ctrl myself, even no class, i went to uni, here gt no dota, no bball, no piano, actually clear out more time for me to study. And i use my weekend to sapu my current ongoing drama, which is 1 very very bad decision...

A drama that portrait love, family, friendship, and most importantly, youth, 热血是哥的生命. Reply 1988. I tried Reply 1997, it was nt good for me, i couldnt even finish ep1, those flashbacks, those settings, and 1 big culturalal shock when i see eunji 追星 til this crazy level, i was so speechless i just cant proceed... So automatically i didnt try Reply 1994, cos the summary looks boring af... why would i try reply 1988 then, just cos i was bored haha... i finished come bck mister, which is 1 amazing shit, and i scroll thru the website top drama, i notice 1988.

I splited 3 times to finish ep 1, cos its reli boring all the stupid intro, but then wat make me wana giv it 3 shots its because the first part, i saw 周润发 holding the dying 张国荣 in their television and 5 idiots staring it TV, then half way their mum call them bck to hav dinner, sounds just like the childhood i wanted, such close families and friends staying so close to each other, its 1 interesting element. Then the MC (main charac) family, papa love to buy useless thing, mama

always scold him waste money, then big sis and mc will always fight so loud til all neighbour can hear, the youngest bro always tio bully, for the unnie is a smart ass that went college and MC is an idiot that cant study, its 85% similar to my family, how could i nt cont 😂😂😂

After the 2nd ep, u wont be able to stop, cos this drama isnt like those other common drama tat hav those 狗血的情节，the love lines are so unexpected, the friendship and family bond are so well they fckin zha some water out of my eyes, the comedy is very 到位 as well, wif some very nice OST, ahh, ni ma so perfect. This drama has show more than 1 relationship, 姐妹情，长女与父亲无字的爱，姐弟恋，遗失的初恋，好兄弟，and more than 1 life, 天才，永远的打工族，忽然中马票的生活，为了单亲妈妈努力的生活，考试6次不及格的生活，after the intro, everything is so fresh, u cant expect wat is nxt, everyone is their own MC in this drama.

The one that reli make me sad is the guy that miss his final chance to confess, i feel like crying for him, no, i did cried, how can he fail to do wat he is suppose to do everytime, he had the chance, but he lost all his timing. 是红灯的错吗？假如没有那两盏红灯，站在那边，为你撑伞，为你盖多一件外套，牵着你的手的那一个，一定是我。不是，可能我犹豫了，那一霎那我知道她一个人，我就应该抛下一切地去，他做到了。Then the rain heavily fall, radio:"choi teuk has given up an international competition for the first time in his professional carrier with some unknown personal reasons." 车上的他，哭了。

After i sapu everything, i feel so empty, im still inside the 80s' early 90' when all the MC wear high waist jeans during outing and all the ajummas hav afros, watching lee sun hee debut stage on TV, having dinner on the floor wif a small table, so many emotion in 1 drama, 1 ep is 1.30hr, but nt even 1 min is boring, nt many gorgeous or handsome actors/actress are inside, just 1 incredible story, of 5 best friend's life that stayed in sangmundong, in the year 1988. 

18/4

读书比做工舒服，这绝对是大家都认同的东西，假如不是为了钱，谁要做工？不过现在我只是想即刻马上毕业离开这个地方。以前妈妈说，不要为了跟着你的朋友就读那间学校，我只能说，假如你不懂你要读什么屁，跟朋友绝对不会错。像我这种不爱上课，不听书，不温书，又会发梦的人，没有朋友基本上就死了。翘课，你永远都不会知道老师上一堂教过什么；发梦，你连老师讲了考试时间都不知道；不温书，小考忽然来袭无法应付；不听书，教书是有给Tips你也不知道。

那你又会讲，你不去交些朋友？我自己也很意外，我他妈还真是交不到几个朋友。室友是绝对交不到的，每个学期换，房门锁紧紧，想敲门认识下都不好意思。同学是有很多，离开课室后就是陌生人。没有人借功课抄，没有人陪谈天，没有人理你，这种生活，他妈谁想继续读书？你会讲我没有参加社团，进去大家都是一伙的，一个人可以干屁啊？一个人的上课狗屎了，还要一个人搞这些，Haizz……

以前朋友有一个，所以不以为然，现在没有了才看到别人一个Gang上课做Assignment是多么有学校感觉。那你又会怀疑我是怎样pass到大四，我只能告诉你，50分Course Mark，我不用多，给我20就够了，其余的大考我自己解决。拿到烂组员，Assignment哥自己包，10/20；Test没有读，8/20；quiz没有读，3/10；诶，Pass了咯 😂😂😂 

带着正面的心态，每天自我催眠，每天跟比你更不幸的人比，每天跟考得比你差的人比，你就会到一种什么问题都没有问题的境界。谁不喜欢完美？谁不喜欢A？但是又有谁会为了自己不喜欢的东西费到那么大力气？至少我做不出。我遇过许多麻烦，就像现在，我忘了带长裤，进不了校舍，我没有朋友可以借我，商场又还没开，就在附近绕几个圈看下有没有衣店或巴杀，没有？算了咯回来打Blog。可能今天老师Assignment分组了，或者给Quiz，又可能教了些重要东西，不是我不管，可是我啥也做不到，难道要跳楼Meh？

记得我以前不是这样的，我是随便，不过没要到这种程度。现在我看，噢发生了，想下怎样补票，哪儿有时间自责？妈妈小时候就是喜欢吊我，做么你打破玻璃bla bla bla，其实教我怎样解决地上的碎片过后才吊我也不迟吧？这样看来其实这是好事还是坏事我也不清楚... LOL

18/3

finally i open coc, had a rough day, then i saw the chat, uhh so painful, 1 decide to leave, 1 deciding to leave. Then again, as i read it agn, thn see bck the clan list, i feel so speechless. Yes i din atk, my fault, but y nobody ask? u noe u had fb, whatsapp, my phone num, i din mean why u din remind me to atk war, i mean why u don ask me why i don war? then threaten to leave, kidding me we all hav 10yrs+ friendship and 万事没得商量？no explaination no discussion nt even a chance for me to apologize? kidding me!

i remember i protested, i called, i tried my best last time, but i was alone, i was nt recognize. I tried to fight, add policies, but i got ignore by team ace, got fucked by leader, even left the clan disebabkan kezaliman pemimpin, 忠臣下场, but i haven gav up. I nvr had talent to ply games, i don hav skills, i sucks, but i hav leadership, am a tactician, planner, persuader. i pm everyone, every contact i hav, i asked weather u wana join war, wat num u wana atk, wat troops u nid, nid hlp for advice, dont use dragon for this base, don add ppl that afk for this war, wat time r u gonna atk, its ok if u bz for 2nd atk, bro don atk no1..... giv up also i first lor, cos i tried? 

i was forgiving, serious, good donator, even ur baby sitter, keep calling and msg u guys, but no one care, and u guys juz wana quit quit quit, u tried? u try to keep a team together? u try to see other people life schedule? do u noe lun having assignments and school activities? u noe bg had work everyday til late night? NO U DONT. Maxz hav assignments too, skyking have work til late night everyday too, u guys know? NO, u guys wan result, wan win war, wan ppl join war, but u care less about ppl. Even i put red status for 4 wars straight and even pm the person that start war that i dun wan join, and im still in war zzz 他妈有理过哥的感受吗？NO U DONT. 

u guys wana serious in a game? u guys serious about being serious? so wat r u guys serious about? 哥看不到噢？if 5 ppl atk everyone get 2-3 star we will win, then u guys will quiet? win then those guys that don atk can be forgiven?  i protested too, i got ignored. 是Start War 的人的错？Leader 的错？攻的人的错？No，都是我。

不攻是哥的错，哥承认，哥悔过，但哥的心里，除了歉意，只有失望。

17/3 - 18/3

today is the day whr my emotion got challenge the most, i had a really bad day, i felt like shit the whole day, my body feeling very uncomfortable, so tiring but slp 1am wake 6am everyday, didnt even hit the minimum slp requirement, dont talk about games i don even hav the energy to think straight. I think i even hav rashes under my lips, screwed.

But i was so happy i shud be singing k at 5pm, so me happily reach there to hear him say: full sir. So me and kit went to had dinner, and i laosai so badly in that shit piece of toilet, talk about bad toilet experience, and we went to watch movie.

In tis state of me i choose to watch 13 hours, looks like a nice fighting movie but actually NO, it portraits how a soldier defend a base in war, seeing his comrades die, nation abandon them, and a bunch of people to protect, kids at home, shit man, this thing is so real that it literally kills my mentality.  

12am, tired, blurr, juz wana go bck to my dorm, straight down on a dark path, under a street light, a cat jump out. I think i cant avoid it, since its running straight avoiding it might actually hit him, and car coming frm the other lane as well, i cant think of a better way, i step on the brek, then realizing car behind was sticking tight, i let go... 

i hit the emergency signal, i felt my car ran over smthn, if u are a very experience driver, u shud be able to feel it, running over smthn, squash, frnt tire, to the back tire, and my cars damper has funny cricking sounds. I stop my car, i walk out, i don care about cars behind me now, i walk out, ppl horning, i don care, i looked behind, i cant see the cat; i look at my tire, i cant see anythn; 这一刻的我坐回上车，关掉音乐，望前放空，心里除了 “what the fck had i done”, 就只剩空白。

i drove home safely. I kept thinking, i wasnt too fast, the cat jump out too suddenly, i cant avoid, i cant break; banging side cars to keep u alive? or letting ppl bang me from behind? I din do wrong, but why muz u do this to me? is it better if i get bang than i bang u? wouldnt i nt feel so fckin guilty? im convinced its ur fault, but u died in my hands. i din see ur body, but i roll

over smthn, i wish it was just a rock, and u survive between the tires, that was the oni thing that i hope for. 

I hated cats, i got food poisoning twice cos of ur furs, u guys tried to rob my food 4 times as well, i nvr liked u, but nt to the extend to flat u... i cant forgive myself, i dont need forgiveness, i ll carry this mistake for life, but how long would it take for me to cool this incident down? even my first love took me 6 months straight to let go. 

Is it too heartless to think tis way? Maybe. I dont remember things for long, happy or sad, it goes away, hate or love, it doesnt stay forever, if i always think like that, my life goes on; i missed this class, it minus me 2 marks, cant do a shit, forget bout it; my first love, for 8 yrs unchanged love, decided to stop this relationship, cant do a shit, forget bout it; I killed a cat, but if i dun bang it, i got bang, cant do a shit, forget about it; 这是向前，这是逃避，这是面对，还是停留？I nvr doubt my way of thinking, but when i question it, did i get my life? or did i lost it alrdy? 

对人生；太认真？你就输了；不认真？你赢了吗？#我的人生又迈进了一步#

10/3

Delay onset muscle soreness, if u did some quite extreame sports u would probably experience it before. Sometimes i just dont understand my own muscle, there are days that when i try to shoot the ball, my wrist cant bend ideally and the ball just go senget all the way masuk longkang; there are times when my lower body cant follow what im trying to do, i walk same hand same leg; of cos there are times that i hav such reflex that no one can stop me, and i had a great game 2 days ago whr my lower body was so active i run for 2 hrs, fast and slow, break, jump, bend, and DOMS is the nigga that bring out all those pain in 48 hours.

Firstly, wearing lebron 500+ shoe, its good, but i over used it, my socks got holes, my foot has blister, then now all the muscle soreness. My neck cant move properly, both ankle hurts, both knee hav cracking sound when i walk, both shoulder r too tired to even raise up my hands. Everything is screwed up, when u push ur muscle to a limit and not continuing doing so for the nxt few days, the muscle cooldown in a phase that it hurts me. 

Then i play games, and lost in everyone of them. doesnt really wana talk about any of them, but i always tot games is good thing to release stress, in the end its juz a distraction to fill time up, which is smthn i hav a lot. Had a 3-8pm class ytd, sports management and malaysian studies, both are hell. Why sports management has nth to do wif sports? I am basically learning human resource management. And WHY THE FUCK i still need to listen about how the FUCKING PELANDUK kick the FUCKING DOG in to the FUCKING RIVER saw by a FUCKING INDIAN under a FUCKING TREE, please, this day couldnt get anymore shittier. 

Its my bday soon, its nt the main point, the main point is that plus minus 10 days of my bday loudspeaker sing k is totally free. I can just go there lying on the sofa enjoying aircond and base wif free drinks, but i wont go alone. And when this is the time u feel that, even u r in ur country, ur area, ur house, with supposingly a lot of friends around you, no one, can, or wang to join me. I sometimes feel wrong having interests different from other guys, must i actually join u guys go gym, go cc, drink liquor, smoke sisha, go clubbing, only will we get more closer? After joining other gangs, i feel more alone than ever, of cos we still hav shared interest, basketball dota, but this 2 things actually spoil friendship faster than ever. I value teamwork as much as the result of the game, i rather lose than scoring everything myself, thats my way of winning. But everyone has different philosophy, im the strongest, u shud only rely on me, shut up and giv me the ball; oh i cant do this, but i cant pass the ball to other people, might as well just shoot it(self convinced), (and miss), sry guys that situation i cant do anythn (bullshit); then there r guys that wana show off, some like to scold people, as u play longer in sports, u realize everyone think differently, and how much u need to treasure people whose brainwave is in sync with you. 

There are people actually play basketball so that they can bang you; there are people that only know how to win by playing cheat, step on ur leg when u jump, scratch, slap, push, i experienced a lot. I was even 1 of them when i was still in SMK, guys take a longer time to get mature. I cant believe this few days i only slpt 6 hrs a day, i love basketball, but i dont have the right body to play the right sport, no height, no muscle, no size, so what u hav experience, skills and speed, i cant even include speed cos it hurts when i run, i hurts more when i emergency break, maybe i shud juz quit, i will have lesser things to be stress of, maybe. 

2/3

Today my sole uni mate chris finally, finally call me, but of cos, 无事打给我，非奸即盗. He was working at melaka, now coming back to TBS, wan me to fetch him go semenyih friend's place, sun bian hav fun around there. This is my first week of uni start, everyday i hav class, lucky him im in uni, but i could had go home cos my class ends at 10am, and tmr starts at 3pm. But i cant control myself being a nice guy, i decide to go with him. I woke up at 6am, reach school hav class til 10am, fetch him around 11am, he tell me semenyih got good food ok we go semenyih and reach at 12am. p/s: i haven eat anythn at all.

So basically they both work in a small hotel as a, i duno wat position but somehow in this 分店 his friend paling besar 0.0 and he went to melaka outlet for a while, so fun when ur friend's friend's aunty is rich lol but his friend belum finish work, so somehow chris became bangla 1, i became bangla driver, til 3pm, finally, we go eat. 

I actually envy both of them a lot. His friend just finish f5, cos of some connection, now he is the supervisor of this hotel, sula suka pick any room as his bedroom, work frm 8am-3pm with 2.5k per month, can go chill smoke drink anytime he wan (he paling besar), of cos he has to work everyday la. Di di ngo nxt time come out 8-6pm mon-sat also duno got 2.5k or not, work dao so 无忧无虑, i jealous like shit. Handle check in out, key in computer, make sure account is correct, solve guests problem, handle workers salary, ok siap 1 bulan. 

Maybe u might think i hav no ambition, but like him alrdy working after spm, compare to my ptptn debt, i feel lagi low than him, and he is nt stopping, how u know mayb after a few months he get to transfer to HQ become smthn else, thinking later 3pm i hav class, i juz wana keep on slpin in this hotel room TT 

every friends hav their own story, its juz tat during my SMK time my gang only wan a degree, and it became my only choice as well. After joining so many gangs, i see so many ppl with diff colourful 出路, but tat time i alrdy survive 2nd yr degree, puki canot run liao. Last time mama keep telling me u come out wif a degree then u can work as anythn u like, i was stupid i shud had juz picked finance, doesnt mean i ll do well in it, but i definitely aint doing well in engineering, the only good thing about me is i haven fail, yet. What to do, time to go class, today til 8pm TT