17/11

Have you ever wondered that does mighty yao every get depress and emo, well maybe u guys know the answer, of cos its yes. As a person that act totally depending on mood, working and love life has become a total challenge for me. I cant actually do watever i wan during work (of cos) and i cant get a gf anytime i wan (of cos x3), tis is literally my life now, it doesnt struck u until u realize the fact that u shud be depressing since few yrs ago.

Realizing how robotic life is charge up h2o in my eyes ngam2 the amount it wont flow out, the urge of singing k is running thru my veins and i feel like banging walls. It would probably be better tmr but i cant escape tis moment of depression, tat is telling me how worthless im living my life. Doing smthn i dun like for 16yrs of my life, and doing its season 2 for the rest of my life. Worthless. How can i nt feel anythn after realizing this?

Spend all my free time doing stupid things like watching drama, kpop, porn, plyin bball, plyin dota, plyin piano, gain wat? weak joints, some stupid korea phrase stucked in ma head, hormones rush, love plastic girls, 3k mmr (world best player reaching 10k), maybe good reflex and relative hearing but watever its pointless, life literally wasted.

Mama always tell u, dun get gf when u young, no money to support, then wat? So u think im so hansom i can get chicks as long as im grad? Realizing another 2 facts that u no gf during Smk is cos all the girls in secondary school 都看不上你的样子, so it doesnt matter whr u go or how old u get; then if u go work, u think 妹子们还等你吗？baka no hanashi, naive also nid to stop at 1 level lor.

什么可惜不是你, 至少还有你，你妹啊？你TM是谁啊？我假如TM写个曲名字肯定叫你在哪儿。不过看来就算有个你，看到我，都跑了吧。到了23岁还靠着右手是多么可悲的事，虽然就算有了女友也未必不用右手la... 还是考虑下要去哪里叫个Ayam Goreng算了吧…… Life is so empty when u look back the u before have not done anything, and the u now is nt doing anything either --- from Yao :(

23/10

朋友，真的不在乎认识多久，只在乎在这段期间，我们一起做过的事，一起度过的时间。最不想让人知道到的秘密，有时可以毫无顾忌地跟你认识一两年的朋友说，但却不会让认识了十几年的朋友知道，友情就是那么一回事，不是时间跟金钱可以衡量的东西，更不是随便一个我跟你就可以Ship出来的东西。

有一个十几年的Chau可以把朋友秘密当Asset和Joke来看；有个八九年的Lim可以告诉你在他家帮他开门的女生是不认识的；然后有个三四年的Chris可以把昨天发生的所有事都与你分享。有些秘密是不想让人知道的，我理解；不过有些人，是值得你用更好的谎言来交代的。

身为一个朋友，一向用心待人是我的Style，所以对Bojio都非常敏感。一天，Lim召了我，Zh，Hung打羽球，我无条件答应了，约10Am。醒来时，是11Am，我连电话都没看，即刻准备飞出羽球场，看了下电话，我无言了。Lim载了Hung，来我家门口，打了10通电话，5封信息，3个Fb密，但是都不舍得按门铃。迟醒永远是我不对，但你用不想吵醒我当理由，你把9年的友情当什么？然后来个Zh竟然说等我醒了才去，我靠，叫你打羽球还是来Double Date，没我会死么？然后最可恶的事，这班废柴以我为理由，Cancel了打球。

好，迟醒永远是错的，为了赎罪，我再约1Pm打球。1Pm，Lim的回复竟然是：我刚打完回来，你要去你就去吧。你，要把我们3个甩，理由请不要那么婉转好吗？真的要赖我吗？没人赖我啊，那是要我赖自己吗？我一直不明白，直到想起他还有召一个女生，哥瞬间觉醒。真的有必要玩弄大伙的感情吗？可是，我无法理解的是，为什么只有我一个在难过？在生气？

Hung：Doesnt matter, none of my business
Zh：Its ok i hav more time to sleep

真的吗？我小题大做吗？我的反应太大了吗？不过我真的，不会再去任何你召的Ball Session了，我没有义务要让自己的友情再那么被践踏一次。妈说，人家开车撞你，你为什么不闪？所以你被撞，也是你的错；你被践踏，也是你的错；所以唯一的解决，永远是避免，哥驾车永远没经过那条被撞的路了，也永远不去你召的球聚。

我最珍惜的友情，是College时有1群愿意每天陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Gang；是大学时又一个愿意每天陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Friend；是中学毕业后才认识的别班朋友，几个愿意陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Friend；是小学到现在愿意陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的几个Friend。中学认识的，只有自己去打球，自己一个人吃饭，各打各机，各谈各天，喝茶没召，每天躲在家里的一班柴。

不去参别的Gang，你根本不会懂友情的价值，认识那么久的把你当柴；认识那几次的把你当人。是不打机打球就不能做朋友吗？不是的，你愿意尝试打机打球，是提升我们友情的一个努力；我陪你们打羽球，我样子很享受吗？是一份努力，维系，执着。不要说我没叫你那么做，是我愿意的，因为我珍惜一起的时间。学着看韩剧不是突然的，是一份尝试，刚好塔上罢了。没有突然爱上韩剧的男生，只有看了一段时间，几套剧，开始接受的男生。我是真的不喜欢听英语Pop，不是因为什么你接受不了的理由，我是听了，觉得不适合，不是那种没听就拒绝的。但为了配合，还是很努力地接受，不点歌不是因为我Pattern，是与其唱一堆周杰伦给你听，我更想听听你究竟喜欢什么歌，这样以后可以一起唱啊，我想帮你配假音啊Lol。

可能这一切都只是我为了表达自己对友情的看法而举的一堆废例子，你们每次要陪我谈天可能更辛苦，跟我打球你们也可能觉得很不好玩，跟我打机也觉得我很Noob，跟我唱歌觉得很吵，根本就是不想Jio我，不是 Bojio。我不知道我不知道的事情，所以也只能从我知道的角度说出我知道的事情。做人也没有一味Complain，哥每天都有反省。不过也都罢了，有些东西我宁愿一世人都不知道，只要还没翻脸，朋友还是朋友。要生气一个人，气一整天都嫌累，心情都会不好，何苦，UNFRIEND不就对了咯？？^_^ 😃😃😃

20/10

记得很多很多年前，有人问过我，假如钟欣潼愿意嫁你，你会娶她吗？我很坚决地说No，因为那个事件，让我觉得她很脏。现在想回，自己很幼稚；每天都想干别的女生，但被人干过的女生却心存偏见。

有人告诉过我，找女朋友不要找太单纯的。我说单纯好，容易解决 😎😎😎 可能她堕过胎告诉你很爱前男友，思想单纯啊。我这个时候又想，假如我女友真堕过胎，我还会要她吗？

我的答案是，会。不能因为性而拒绝爱，这是很白痴的行为。性是男女之间的事，爱是我和你之间的事，和任何女生都可以搞起来，但就只爱一个女生。这样分的话，男生不就是禽兽不如吗？爱着你，但与别的女生发生关系，还理直气壮地说爱着你。女生？和别的男人做过，就肮脏，发娇，不要脸。

看来两个人的关系，爱应该是其次，信任才是最重要的。我要相信你不会再和前男友搞上，你也要相信我不会搞上别人。把性和爱分开只是一个看法，其实性和爱其实是一起的，应该不会去搞一个你不喜欢的人吧。

再换个角度看，有些“聪明”的女生，会用些保护自己的理由，拒绝与男友做。当然，这样做是没错的，第一次要留给老公，不是要生孩子干嘛要做，等等。这个，不是因为不相信男友会负责吗？性是促进两性关系的一个行为，而且，结婚后才知道老公的Ahem不Work，你那个时候才来呱呱叫？

不过这也可能是我拿来掩饰与说服女友的一些歪理，有些情侣不做也很好感情啊？有很多女生都处女到结婚啊？那我以后会不会上女友？应该是问，该不该上？我的答案是，想上，不过她不给，我也不勉强，这是我给她的尊重。难道我真的会处男到结婚吗？Haizz，不懂是好事还是坏事... 真矛盾..

11/9

After finishing Love020, the feeling of emptiness for sapuing a drama in few days merangkumi kelapa aku. 哥的空虚，你他妈明白吗? finish mai the few episode of anime, kdrama and kvariety shows, again, looking at the pc, 竟他妈发现我真的没事做... (pls dun ask me study, it was nvr an option) look at my phone, so many notification, all about coc and cr, 看来我的朋友们拜六都他妈不得空吊我...

tis moment i almost forgot about my 1 and only computer game that im still active in, dota2. So i on, ply, ply, ply, and i cant believe the more i ply, the more empty i feel. 打dota是不会闷的, 不过一个人打，一点瘾都没有。And i decide to go ply bball, at 4pm, been a while since i come out so early when the sun is still kissing my dark skin~~ 幸好篮球没有出卖我，永远都是我解压过时间的top3 活动.

So now, 1 long lonely night, apa macam? 又是个寂寞的夜晚，但哥连咸片都没心情看，感觉会更空虚。哥有多空虚，哥就开着钢琴，打着一段自己也不知道叫什么的minor chord, 右手轮流按着Eb, Bb, G，30分钟.........

奶奶的竟然没事做，没东西玩，追着的几套也刷新了，那只好，打ringkasan吧...

Dramas：
W- Two worlds, 漫画与现实交叉的世界，一个差不多隔两集就得进一次医院的男主角，和一个整出戏都awkward表情的女主角，和一个为了不狗血而拼命弄到错综复杂的剧本，哥已在第5集完全放弃剧情，只想看完它...

Uncontrollable Fond, 在前天终于结局，让我掉了几滴眼泪，最后还是这种狗血的剧情够传统地吸引观众。男主是私生子，爸爸是大律师，从小到大拼命读书想当律师的他，但一天女友爸爸竟然被女二撞飞，女二爸爸贿赂男主爸爸从中解决问题，女主知道后很beh song，收集了证据，想告律师。男主知道后，开摩托抢她包包，男二，who is 男主的同父异母，在后面顺手开车Bang女主。男主放弃做律师，但太帅做了大明星，然后somehow看医生说有绝症，剩一年命；男二每天以邻家哥哥身份照顾女主，女二是该嫁男二的，so.... 狗血吗？我喜欢啊，吹我啦。

Scarlet heart ryeo, 没看步步惊心，不知原版是怎样，不过这部春宫剧，女生看应该爽到不会叫。一个穿越时光的傻女子，对上一堆王子，和一个不爽她的公主（女神啊！），还是可以看下去的，才第五，啥都还没发生，多少也还是个古代笑片。

Love in the moonlight, my favourite among all of them. Well，是狗血了一点，女扮男装不小心进宫当太监，男主是王子，男二是首相儿子，男二一次搂腰即刻知道他是女人，卧槽神技；男主现在应该…在怀疑自己是Gay吧... 不惜抗旨护太监... 不过宫廷争斗还真的不能变到哪里去... Well 是期待她穿帮后，等她穿女装才有戏看的 🤗🤗🤗

微微一笑很倾城，薇薇好漂亮好可爱❤️ 整出戏就在谈恋爱，一个无告白，无budget，无情敌，无难关，一路顺风，风雨无阻的爱情片：早知今日如此爱你，我当年一定对你一见钟情 --- By 大神

Anime：

Dragon ball super, 延续童年，只是为了满足好奇心…

Re:Zero, 男主角去了幻想世界，一直遇难，但死了会回到原点，一直体验不同的东西，erm... 是EU刑警吗.... 只是一个跳电，另一个要死...

Aldenarin in the sky, 策略型战争，有点科幻的设定，是这季我的最爱

Sousei Onmyoji, 非常一般的阴阳师战斗型，是可以看的...

One Piece & Naruto, 几百集的东西就不用多说咯...

Variety Shows

Weekly idol, 具体是怎样还是自己谷歌吧... OMG this week guest is red velvet 💙💙💙💙

Running man, no description needed

Girls Spirit, 12组不太出名的女团派出Main Vocal来挑战，分两组，每个礼拜选最高票的3首出迷你唱片，让小弟又深厚地了解Kpop了... 看来连华语日本歌都要放弃了... 每次看了都有无比的满足感，好歌，好舞，又有美女😍😍，然后看完又回到空虚的夜晚....

We Got Married, no description needed as well


好像看很多东西酱，可是竟然要pekcek到打Blog，是多么可悲的事 TT

9/9

微微一笑很倾城，其中我听过一个最奇怪的戏名，但因为FB一直有人share这部剧的点滴，直到我看见一个神一般的回话，我忍不住去看了。

“除了夫人的美色，我不接受任何其他的贿赂”

哥不说杨洋，不然会被讲Gay，不过装酷可以酷到这个等级，不知这是神一般的演技，还是本人就是神。80%的无表情，神一般的撩妹对话，加上动作，赢了。

哥现在用2倍的份量说女神郑爽。本人已经是高挑，还要瘦到feel不到腰，大眼睛，长头发，尖下巴，瓜子脸，俏鼻子，（讲到这里，大家都猜到她去过韩国了吧... 不过哥不care)。单凭她的五官和身材，哥的口水已经滴出条河来了…… 角色的设定更是完美，超高等级的实力派online gamer，computer science top student，一个电脑自己凑，凑完就打机，不禁让我想起zihan哥.... 一个读电脑，玩onlinegame 的女生，这个如此不科学，不逻辑，不道德的角色创造，简直就是在给全天下的电脑+工程系假希望。虽然男的角色更加不科学，but i dont care, not my concern. 

整部戏看着郑爽80%被动的受，女生会爱上杨洋的撩妹，把自己幻想成被壁咚，椅咚，床咚，地咚的那个。那男生怎么会看？不会是看杨洋耍帅吧？我呢，就是看女主的反应，对话，神情，让男生就那么一点点想再瞪那可爱的脸久一点。

这是第一部完全不狗血的爱情剧，没有父母的反对，没有什么远近距离，没有门当户对的问题，没有情敌的问题(有的，完全不是对手罢了），没有撞车癌症什么的，也没有什么害羞的问题(好像不表白那种的），要像萧大神一样把妹的话，他教了男士们，只要你有他的样貌，身材，钱财，才华，要大胆追系花？没问题，or else better get lost... 单看这个不科学的剧就深深地影响了我对浪漫的定义，得多多学习..... 总之就是一部看到我10十根手指都cringe起来的爱情剧，太阳的后裔都不够他虐心 😇😇

21/8

Another day of a bad lame basketball match, on 12am. After supper, come to shoot ABC (turtle) wif my lim lim and hung hung, tot it would be empty when we saw a gang of people playing at the other side of the court. As a very experience player, I foresee that they will ask for a 3v3 match, and i eagerly bring out my shoe to prepare.

果然不出哥所料, 1 of the player ask for a game after almost 1hr of shooting turtle, i am alrdy super warmed up =.= high chance their other friends are tired (of cos, 1 hr dude), we were juz shooting ABC so is totally fine, lets game on. they hav 3 player, i would call them fat green, short black and tall 12 (shirt + size).

As a very experience player again, I can sense that 12 is their core player (cos he is wearing jersey 12, duh), so i voluntarily take him on during defense. I leave fat green to lim, well not because they are both fat... (maybe), cos short black looks fast, hung hung should take him on.

As a very experience player x3, strategy planning is very important beforehand. I leave lim to do the shooting, not because he is short...(maybe) but because he wearing slipper. I ask hung to mark on pendek, and i act pro take mr 12 hahaha

As a very experience player x4, after 3 turns of analysis, I had finish analyzing the gameplay and skills for each player, For our team mate, lim gor, missed 4 shots in a row, all send back to the enemy; for hung hung, engine not started yet, only walking around, I am still going slow as a friendly sign. For the opposite team, tall 12 is a shooter, and a very confident one (just like my friend lim); pendek as suspected, fast and high jumps, but clumsy in shooting and ball handling, no offensive skills; fat fat, keep trying to bang lim chee away and score for a layup.

As a very experience player x5, I am very disappointed with the game. 12 should be trying to confront me, but instead he juz shoot in frnt of my face... at first he keep missing, but after that the 9 points comeback and they are in the game point. Lim start scoring, but not enof to neutral back his misses. Hung still... u noe, chilling...

As a very experience player x6, I am very annoyed with the 2 times foul call by tall 12. He insisted that I traveled (walk more than 2 step after the ball stop bouncing on ur hand, or called walking). The first time i didnt notice, cos i did wat i do every time, for the past 7 yrs, since he call a foul, i admit, doesnt matter. The second time, he called again, i was like, WTF?

I look at him, ask him, got meh?

he say: yea.

I try again: But my first step goes wif a bounce.. (so the step is cancelled, and follow up by 2 step ngam ngam)

He say: no it was very obvious, i heard 3 step...

Did he just fucking say he HEARD? wow wtf, telinga awak sugoi-ne?! I was like, wow wat the hell, i look at hung hung, he say he din saw, no one back me up... but all the 3 opponent stare at me, wah like that, ok lo....

As a very experience point guard style player, dribble is my specialty, literally my 1 and only weapon. But every time i try to drive in, "bro, u traveled" OK fine, FINE!

As a very experience player xN, having a plan B ready is always a must. So i switch role to center (Basically staying under basket/low post for supporting), and push my guard role to hung.
And the decisive events came:
---When lim smack people's specs onto the floor.
{Fundamentally it is not wrong, accident happens when 2 people trying to catch a loose ball, but fat green is now blinded :D} p/s bang lim lim and thats wat u get XD
---After smacking people, he start scoring even smoother
---Hung sudden 4 shot consecutive including 1 3-pointer
---I basically just watch frm inside, under the basket...
From 11-19, we wipe their ass til 21-19, keep them in still.

I was excited to play with strangers, but i was very very disappointed. Winning the game was not thrilling at all, it was a boring game. The whole game, opponent only have 2 plays, which is 12 shooting + fat fat layup, but after we, sry, LIM bang him, he became useless. Then when it reaches last ball, I started to get serious and stop 12 from making any easy shoots, and they really dont do anything to counter back. As a good tactician, a successful strategy makes me happy, but an opponent that does not fight back displeased me!!!!! cant believe I switch to plan B because of their unreasonable accuse for foul, on me, TWICE!!

If i really made mistake, i actually will give u the ball GLADLY, tapi aku sekarang hanya nk picit telinga u sampai senget @@ u dengar lagi step i, lain kali nk cuba tap dance je la. I felt stupid giving in to u, and after the match i felt stupid doubting myself, as a very experienced player, its like you are telling me 1 + 1 is not KIYOMI and everybody around agrees to it (tis is suppose to be a joke) Hope tmr wake up can forget bout tis, dont even remember the moment i won zz saddest game i played after weeks of resting TT

10/8

这么多年了，每个人应该有他自己拿手的东西；有些事一个人做的，有些事需要别帮的。大多数生活上东西都是自己一个人做的，只有少数需要到别人。那种聚会，游戏，运动，功课讨论什么的，都是Kacau到不能的事。

我很喜欢和别人一起做事，可以在同样的事上，遇到不一样的人。就像打仗一样，不用很厉害武功，华佗诸葛亮还不是人人抢着要？在一个Gang里，一定要有一个Boss；做么呢？因为就算你是Boss，强逼大家去唱K，都有本事Fail。明明已经成功了，但最后最预想不到人竟然拒绝。但是假如没有Boss，一切是空谈，可能没人会提起。

打篮球，有很多方法赢；就像一条大便有很多种颜色，形状，味道。我不是个个精，但我会我自己一套，可是和别人一起时，你自己那一套，人家会不会？能不能？跟不跟？站在别人立场看东西是一个非常伟大，重要，同时是个很笨的行为。明明可以有一个这么容易的方法进球，但你们就死死要站到远远射球，这时你可能就会发火，直接骂他，你很准吗？你不能传吗？要练射球去对面！但是，这是当一组只有一个笨蛋你才可以这样；假如4对4，3个都是“神”射手，你能怎样？叫他传，另一个人也是射不进；这时的我就会这样想，既然3个都不会跑传，那只好帮他们补篮，希望他们粒粒进。做么要做到这样？3个白痴，不如回家？做么要委屈自己玩到这样不开心？赢了也是他们3个开心，辛苦了你。

这就是现实，几年前开始就注意到的现象；不是每个人都会教你，但就算你愿意解释，也不是每个人愿意学。但是，你会的东西，就一定对吗？站外线射球，其实并没有错，只要你每3粒会进1粒，都算挺准，其他我帮你补，也算得上是一种战术。一定要玩跑传吗？跑到那么辛苦，传错失球，传到也未必进，跑的份量却多了一倍，虽然说是高级战术，不见得可以打败射手。假如人家用你觉得笨到不行的方法打败你，你会怎么想？那家伙就是站在那边，不管你怎样，球到他手，We are doomed。

当你熟一样东西，自然有自己的一套，看见别人用奇奇怪怪的方式做和你同样的东西，难免会偷笑。你会怪他们笨，学不精，但是假如他们的方法其实是Work的时候，你又会看回自己，这些年来坚持的一套，有错吗？不改变，会像Nokia一样被淘汰吗？但是现在的我用这一套做的好好的，有需要变吗？

有需要用到Teamwork的东西，往往没有正确的答案，只要结果满意，过程根本没人理你。但在这么多年，一直learn, develop, improve, change, communicate, analyse, copy, 你会发现你自己就算打了这么多年球，你还是很渺小的。坚持或改变，两者之间也没有对错，但有一样必须做的，就是接受。你可以不跟，但是你不可以否定别人，也不能只固执自己。当你做到什么都可以接受的Level时，突破就在指尖。