21/8

Another day of a bad lame basketball match, on 12am. After supper, come to shoot ABC (turtle) wif my lim lim and hung hung, tot it would be empty when we saw a gang of people playing at the other side of the court. As a very experience player, I foresee that they will ask for a 3v3 match, and i eagerly bring out my shoe to prepare.

果然不出哥所料, 1 of the player ask for a game after almost 1hr of shooting turtle, i am alrdy super warmed up =.= high chance their other friends are tired (of cos, 1 hr dude), we were juz shooting ABC so is totally fine, lets game on. they hav 3 player, i would call them fat green, short black and tall 12 (shirt + size).

As a very experience player again, I can sense that 12 is their core player (cos he is wearing jersey 12, duh), so i voluntarily take him on during defense. I leave fat green to lim, well not because they are both fat... (maybe), cos short black looks fast, hung hung should take him on.

As a very experience player x3, strategy planning is very important beforehand. I leave lim to do the shooting, not because he is short...(maybe) but because he wearing slipper. I ask hung to mark on pendek, and i act pro take mr 12 hahaha

As a very experience player x4, after 3 turns of analysis, I had finish analyzing the gameplay and skills for each player, For our team mate, lim gor, missed 4 shots in a row, all send back to the enemy; for hung hung, engine not started yet, only walking around, I am still going slow as a friendly sign. For the opposite team, tall 12 is a shooter, and a very confident one (just like my friend lim); pendek as suspected, fast and high jumps, but clumsy in shooting and ball handling, no offensive skills; fat fat, keep trying to bang lim chee away and score for a layup.

As a very experience player x5, I am very disappointed with the game. 12 should be trying to confront me, but instead he juz shoot in frnt of my face... at first he keep missing, but after that the 9 points comeback and they are in the game point. Lim start scoring, but not enof to neutral back his misses. Hung still... u noe, chilling...

As a very experience player x6, I am very annoyed with the 2 times foul call by tall 12. He insisted that I traveled (walk more than 2 step after the ball stop bouncing on ur hand, or called walking). The first time i didnt notice, cos i did wat i do every time, for the past 7 yrs, since he call a foul, i admit, doesnt matter. The second time, he called again, i was like, WTF?

I look at him, ask him, got meh?

he say: yea.

I try again: But my first step goes wif a bounce.. (so the step is cancelled, and follow up by 2 step ngam ngam)

He say: no it was very obvious, i heard 3 step...

Did he just fucking say he HEARD? wow wtf, telinga awak sugoi-ne?! I was like, wow wat the hell, i look at hung hung, he say he din saw, no one back me up... but all the 3 opponent stare at me, wah like that, ok lo....

As a very experience point guard style player, dribble is my specialty, literally my 1 and only weapon. But every time i try to drive in, "bro, u traveled" OK fine, FINE!

As a very experience player xN, having a plan B ready is always a must. So i switch role to center (Basically staying under basket/low post for supporting), and push my guard role to hung.
And the decisive events came:
---When lim smack people's specs onto the floor.
{Fundamentally it is not wrong, accident happens when 2 people trying to catch a loose ball, but fat green is now blinded :D} p/s bang lim lim and thats wat u get XD
---After smacking people, he start scoring even smoother
---Hung sudden 4 shot consecutive including 1 3-pointer
---I basically just watch frm inside, under the basket...
From 11-19, we wipe their ass til 21-19, keep them in still.

I was excited to play with strangers, but i was very very disappointed. Winning the game was not thrilling at all, it was a boring game. The whole game, opponent only have 2 plays, which is 12 shooting + fat fat layup, but after we, sry, LIM bang him, he became useless. Then when it reaches last ball, I started to get serious and stop 12 from making any easy shoots, and they really dont do anything to counter back. As a good tactician, a successful strategy makes me happy, but an opponent that does not fight back displeased me!!!!! cant believe I switch to plan B because of their unreasonable accuse for foul, on me, TWICE!!

If i really made mistake, i actually will give u the ball GLADLY, tapi aku sekarang hanya nk picit telinga u sampai senget @@ u dengar lagi step i, lain kali nk cuba tap dance je la. I felt stupid giving in to u, and after the match i felt stupid doubting myself, as a very experienced player, its like you are telling me 1 + 1 is not KIYOMI and everybody around agrees to it (tis is suppose to be a joke) Hope tmr wake up can forget bout tis, dont even remember the moment i won zz saddest game i played after weeks of resting TT

10/8

这么多年了，每个人应该有他自己拿手的东西；有些事一个人做的，有些事需要别帮的。大多数生活上东西都是自己一个人做的，只有少数需要到别人。那种聚会，游戏，运动，功课讨论什么的，都是Kacau到不能的事。

我很喜欢和别人一起做事，可以在同样的事上，遇到不一样的人。就像打仗一样，不用很厉害武功，华佗诸葛亮还不是人人抢着要？在一个Gang里，一定要有一个Boss；做么呢？因为就算你是Boss，强逼大家去唱K，都有本事Fail。明明已经成功了，但最后最预想不到人竟然拒绝。但是假如没有Boss，一切是空谈，可能没人会提起。

打篮球，有很多方法赢；就像一条大便有很多种颜色，形状，味道。我不是个个精，但我会我自己一套，可是和别人一起时，你自己那一套，人家会不会？能不能？跟不跟？站在别人立场看东西是一个非常伟大，重要，同时是个很笨的行为。明明可以有一个这么容易的方法进球，但你们就死死要站到远远射球，这时你可能就会发火，直接骂他，你很准吗？你不能传吗？要练射球去对面！但是，这是当一组只有一个笨蛋你才可以这样；假如4对4，3个都是“神”射手，你能怎样？叫他传，另一个人也是射不进；这时的我就会这样想，既然3个都不会跑传，那只好帮他们补篮，希望他们粒粒进。做么要做到这样？3个白痴，不如回家？做么要委屈自己玩到这样不开心？赢了也是他们3个开心，辛苦了你。

这就是现实，几年前开始就注意到的现象；不是每个人都会教你，但就算你愿意解释，也不是每个人愿意学。但是，你会的东西，就一定对吗？站外线射球，其实并没有错，只要你每3粒会进1粒，都算挺准，其他我帮你补，也算得上是一种战术。一定要玩跑传吗？跑到那么辛苦，传错失球，传到也未必进，跑的份量却多了一倍，虽然说是高级战术，不见得可以打败射手。假如人家用你觉得笨到不行的方法打败你，你会怎么想？那家伙就是站在那边，不管你怎样，球到他手，We are doomed。

当你熟一样东西，自然有自己的一套，看见别人用奇奇怪怪的方式做和你同样的东西，难免会偷笑。你会怪他们笨，学不精，但是假如他们的方法其实是Work的时候，你又会看回自己，这些年来坚持的一套，有错吗？不改变，会像Nokia一样被淘汰吗？但是现在的我用这一套做的好好的，有需要变吗？

有需要用到Teamwork的东西，往往没有正确的答案，只要结果满意，过程根本没人理你。但在这么多年，一直learn, develop, improve, change, communicate, analyse, copy, 你会发现你自己就算打了这么多年球，你还是很渺小的。坚持或改变，两者之间也没有对错，但有一样必须做的，就是接受。你可以不跟，但是你不可以否定别人，也不能只固执自己。当你做到什么都可以接受的Level时，突破就在指尖。

8/7

Cant believe i wake up in tears dreaming of me spilling the soup after few hrs of lining up for a famous kari mee, wtf much more sad, stupid, and more regretful things had happened i also dun giv a shit, and i cry over fckin kari mee. Power of Kdrama, emotions are shared and felt through the stupid monitor. I never wanted to watch this drama, cos the name and thumbnail look stupid, "another miss oh".

This Kdrama is dumb. DK wife name OHY ditch him the day of marriage; after a year a guy name TJ is getting marry to a girl name OHY, so to get revenge DK made the guy bankrupt, and then oni find out the OHY are both different people. 

First thing, how can this mistake happen? u dont even bother checking the person and cos of the name u go and boom ppl, kidding me. 

But it completely hook me up, the whole drama successfully str my emotion up. OHY , because of her name (the other OHY is more pretty, smart, they same school, everytime kena compare), she at school kena bully, when ppl call her name, but they r nt finding her, her work was a mess as well, kena bully by supervisor, and 1 day boom fiancee break up wif her telling her "i hate the look of ur face when u eat" (actually he going to jail cos bankrupt). Total wreck, her life was a mess, she was gonna get marry, which is her only best thing in life, pitifully got screwed.

The nice thing to watch is how she handle all this stress. She nvr had consider suicide or killing someone else. She walks confidently to work even thou everyone laugh at her for cancelling marriage the day be4 it, she even cheat everyone telling them she is the one that cancel it, make her sound less embarassing. Goes aroung telling everyone i dump that guy cos he sucks, wearing heavy make up and killing high heels, going blind dates every few days, every night drink until fully wasted, then nxt day go to work like a boss agn. Doesnt matter who talk shit to her, she totally accept and ignore, but when no one is watching, how much tears, how much sadness in the eyes, My life is ruined, but i still have to go on. The mistake was stupid, but how it impact on the MC life, wow tis drama is one hell of a genius. 1 fckin mistake of 2 ppl life, turn in to a 20ep drama, of cos there are some side character, but it mainly revolve among the 2 OHY.

Sad when u r always compared to someone, cos of their excellence u ll always be neglected, always belittled, even after that ur life get screwed juz cos of ur fckin name. Haven finish the whole thing can feel the characters emotion dy, kidding me soup, kidding me.

9/5

wan exam liao, every sem punya routine, when finals come, i suddenly will 才华洋溢，笔下生花，百感交集，every feel exp study feel will pop out. In order to ctrl myself, even no class, i went to uni, here gt no dota, no bball, no piano, actually clear out more time for me to study. And i use my weekend to sapu my current ongoing drama, which is 1 very very bad decision...

A drama that portrait love, family, friendship, and most importantly, youth, 热血是哥的生命. Reply 1988. I tried Reply 1997, it was nt good for me, i couldnt even finish ep1, those flashbacks, those settings, and 1 big culturalal shock when i see eunji 追星 til this crazy level, i was so speechless i just cant proceed... So automatically i didnt try Reply 1994, cos the summary looks boring af... why would i try reply 1988 then, just cos i was bored haha... i finished come bck mister, which is 1 amazing shit, and i scroll thru the website top drama, i notice 1988.

I splited 3 times to finish ep 1, cos its reli boring all the stupid intro, but then wat make me wana giv it 3 shots its because the first part, i saw 周润发 holding the dying 张国荣 in their television and 5 idiots staring it TV, then half way their mum call them bck to hav dinner, sounds just like the childhood i wanted, such close families and friends staying so close to each other, its 1 interesting element. Then the MC (main charac) family, papa love to buy useless thing, mama

always scold him waste money, then big sis and mc will always fight so loud til all neighbour can hear, the youngest bro always tio bully, for the unnie is a smart ass that went college and MC is an idiot that cant study, its 85% similar to my family, how could i nt cont 😂😂😂

After the 2nd ep, u wont be able to stop, cos this drama isnt like those other common drama tat hav those 狗血的情节，the love lines are so unexpected, the friendship and family bond are so well they fckin zha some water out of my eyes, the comedy is very 到位 as well, wif some very nice OST, ahh, ni ma so perfect. This drama has show more than 1 relationship, 姐妹情，长女与父亲无字的爱，姐弟恋，遗失的初恋，好兄弟，and more than 1 life, 天才，永远的打工族，忽然中马票的生活，为了单亲妈妈努力的生活，考试6次不及格的生活，after the intro, everything is so fresh, u cant expect wat is nxt, everyone is their own MC in this drama.

The one that reli make me sad is the guy that miss his final chance to confess, i feel like crying for him, no, i did cried, how can he fail to do wat he is suppose to do everytime, he had the chance, but he lost all his timing. 是红灯的错吗？假如没有那两盏红灯，站在那边，为你撑伞，为你盖多一件外套，牵着你的手的那一个，一定是我。不是，可能我犹豫了，那一霎那我知道她一个人，我就应该抛下一切地去，他做到了。Then the rain heavily fall, radio:"choi teuk has given up an international competition for the first time in his professional carrier with some unknown personal reasons." 车上的他，哭了。

After i sapu everything, i feel so empty, im still inside the 80s' early 90' when all the MC wear high waist jeans during outing and all the ajummas hav afros, watching lee sun hee debut stage on TV, having dinner on the floor wif a small table, so many emotion in 1 drama, 1 ep is 1.30hr, but nt even 1 min is boring, nt many gorgeous or handsome actors/actress are inside, just 1 incredible story, of 5 best friend's life that stayed in sangmundong, in the year 1988. 

18/4

读书比做工舒服，这绝对是大家都认同的东西，假如不是为了钱，谁要做工？不过现在我只是想即刻马上毕业离开这个地方。以前妈妈说，不要为了跟着你的朋友就读那间学校，我只能说，假如你不懂你要读什么屁，跟朋友绝对不会错。像我这种不爱上课，不听书，不温书，又会发梦的人，没有朋友基本上就死了。翘课，你永远都不会知道老师上一堂教过什么；发梦，你连老师讲了考试时间都不知道；不温书，小考忽然来袭无法应付；不听书，教书是有给Tips你也不知道。

那你又会讲，你不去交些朋友？我自己也很意外，我他妈还真是交不到几个朋友。室友是绝对交不到的，每个学期换，房门锁紧紧，想敲门认识下都不好意思。同学是有很多，离开课室后就是陌生人。没有人借功课抄，没有人陪谈天，没有人理你，这种生活，他妈谁想继续读书？你会讲我没有参加社团，进去大家都是一伙的，一个人可以干屁啊？一个人的上课狗屎了，还要一个人搞这些，Haizz……

以前朋友有一个，所以不以为然，现在没有了才看到别人一个Gang上课做Assignment是多么有学校感觉。那你又会怀疑我是怎样pass到大四，我只能告诉你，50分Course Mark，我不用多，给我20就够了，其余的大考我自己解决。拿到烂组员，Assignment哥自己包，10/20；Test没有读，8/20；quiz没有读，3/10；诶，Pass了咯 😂😂😂 

带着正面的心态，每天自我催眠，每天跟比你更不幸的人比，每天跟考得比你差的人比，你就会到一种什么问题都没有问题的境界。谁不喜欢完美？谁不喜欢A？但是又有谁会为了自己不喜欢的东西费到那么大力气？至少我做不出。我遇过许多麻烦，就像现在，我忘了带长裤，进不了校舍，我没有朋友可以借我，商场又还没开，就在附近绕几个圈看下有没有衣店或巴杀，没有？算了咯回来打Blog。可能今天老师Assignment分组了，或者给Quiz，又可能教了些重要东西，不是我不管，可是我啥也做不到，难道要跳楼Meh？

记得我以前不是这样的，我是随便，不过没要到这种程度。现在我看，噢发生了，想下怎样补票，哪儿有时间自责？妈妈小时候就是喜欢吊我，做么你打破玻璃bla bla bla，其实教我怎样解决地上的碎片过后才吊我也不迟吧？这样看来其实这是好事还是坏事我也不清楚... LOL

18/3

finally i open coc, had a rough day, then i saw the chat, uhh so painful, 1 decide to leave, 1 deciding to leave. Then again, as i read it agn, thn see bck the clan list, i feel so speechless. Yes i din atk, my fault, but y nobody ask? u noe u had fb, whatsapp, my phone num, i din mean why u din remind me to atk war, i mean why u don ask me why i don war? then threaten to leave, kidding me we all hav 10yrs+ friendship and 万事没得商量？no explaination no discussion nt even a chance for me to apologize? kidding me!

i remember i protested, i called, i tried my best last time, but i was alone, i was nt recognize. I tried to fight, add policies, but i got ignore by team ace, got fucked by leader, even left the clan disebabkan kezaliman pemimpin, 忠臣下场, but i haven gav up. I nvr had talent to ply games, i don hav skills, i sucks, but i hav leadership, am a tactician, planner, persuader. i pm everyone, every contact i hav, i asked weather u wana join war, wat num u wana atk, wat troops u nid, nid hlp for advice, dont use dragon for this base, don add ppl that afk for this war, wat time r u gonna atk, its ok if u bz for 2nd atk, bro don atk no1..... giv up also i first lor, cos i tried? 

i was forgiving, serious, good donator, even ur baby sitter, keep calling and msg u guys, but no one care, and u guys juz wana quit quit quit, u tried? u try to keep a team together? u try to see other people life schedule? do u noe lun having assignments and school activities? u noe bg had work everyday til late night? NO U DONT. Maxz hav assignments too, skyking have work til late night everyday too, u guys know? NO, u guys wan result, wan win war, wan ppl join war, but u care less about ppl. Even i put red status for 4 wars straight and even pm the person that start war that i dun wan join, and im still in war zzz 他妈有理过哥的感受吗？NO U DONT. 

u guys wana serious in a game? u guys serious about being serious? so wat r u guys serious about? 哥看不到噢？if 5 ppl atk everyone get 2-3 star we will win, then u guys will quiet? win then those guys that don atk can be forgiven?  i protested too, i got ignored. 是Start War 的人的错？Leader 的错？攻的人的错？No，都是我。

不攻是哥的错，哥承认，哥悔过，但哥的心里，除了歉意，只有失望。

17/3 - 18/3

today is the day whr my emotion got challenge the most, i had a really bad day, i felt like shit the whole day, my body feeling very uncomfortable, so tiring but slp 1am wake 6am everyday, didnt even hit the minimum slp requirement, dont talk about games i don even hav the energy to think straight. I think i even hav rashes under my lips, screwed.

But i was so happy i shud be singing k at 5pm, so me happily reach there to hear him say: full sir. So me and kit went to had dinner, and i laosai so badly in that shit piece of toilet, talk about bad toilet experience, and we went to watch movie.

In tis state of me i choose to watch 13 hours, looks like a nice fighting movie but actually NO, it portraits how a soldier defend a base in war, seeing his comrades die, nation abandon them, and a bunch of people to protect, kids at home, shit man, this thing is so real that it literally kills my mentality.  

12am, tired, blurr, juz wana go bck to my dorm, straight down on a dark path, under a street light, a cat jump out. I think i cant avoid it, since its running straight avoiding it might actually hit him, and car coming frm the other lane as well, i cant think of a better way, i step on the brek, then realizing car behind was sticking tight, i let go... 

i hit the emergency signal, i felt my car ran over smthn, if u are a very experience driver, u shud be able to feel it, running over smthn, squash, frnt tire, to the back tire, and my cars damper has funny cricking sounds. I stop my car, i walk out, i don care about cars behind me now, i walk out, ppl horning, i don care, i looked behind, i cant see the cat; i look at my tire, i cant see anythn; 这一刻的我坐回上车，关掉音乐，望前放空，心里除了 “what the fck had i done”, 就只剩空白。

i drove home safely. I kept thinking, i wasnt too fast, the cat jump out too suddenly, i cant avoid, i cant break; banging side cars to keep u alive? or letting ppl bang me from behind? I din do wrong, but why muz u do this to me? is it better if i get bang than i bang u? wouldnt i nt feel so fckin guilty? im convinced its ur fault, but u died in my hands. i din see ur body, but i roll

over smthn, i wish it was just a rock, and u survive between the tires, that was the oni thing that i hope for. 

I hated cats, i got food poisoning twice cos of ur furs, u guys tried to rob my food 4 times as well, i nvr liked u, but nt to the extend to flat u... i cant forgive myself, i dont need forgiveness, i ll carry this mistake for life, but how long would it take for me to cool this incident down? even my first love took me 6 months straight to let go. 

Is it too heartless to think tis way? Maybe. I dont remember things for long, happy or sad, it goes away, hate or love, it doesnt stay forever, if i always think like that, my life goes on; i missed this class, it minus me 2 marks, cant do a shit, forget bout it; my first love, for 8 yrs unchanged love, decided to stop this relationship, cant do a shit, forget bout it; I killed a cat, but if i dun bang it, i got bang, cant do a shit, forget about it; 这是向前，这是逃避，这是面对，还是停留？I nvr doubt my way of thinking, but when i question it, did i get my life? or did i lost it alrdy? 

对人生；太认真？你就输了；不认真？你赢了吗？#我的人生又迈进了一步#