26/11

做工是很空虚的，早早醒来，傍晚回来，已经有气无力，10Pm没到就KO了。就这样接着5天，就算周末也会自然早睡早起。是很健康，很有规律，但很孤单的日子。5天的时间献给了公司，大家不是结了婚，就是拍了拖，也有代沟，各有各忙，哪来时间交流。虽然工作环境是非常轻松自由，但压力一定会有的。就是像每天都要做 Assignment，不过你不能做错，不然就得背锅。

自然而然你会察觉，你以前的朋友都不会找你。讲各有各忙，但没理由一个周末，1个小时都没有。当然不是啦，不过有时间宁愿扑在家都不想见到你咯。个个礼拜都坚持去打球，不是因为什么身体健康那么伟大的理由。我只想时间和朋友一起过，久不见，你就会忘记，我们曾经是多么亲，谈心事，说坏话，讲笑话。我已经开始忘记了，不过看来别人已经完全忘了。曾几何时，我们每天都见面，每晚都喝茶，每周末都打麻将，每天都一起打机，一起打球，一起睡觉，现在的Chat box，只剩下Seen，since N days ago。没召，是一回事；召了，却召不出，太没意思了。

当有一天，一定会到来的一天，我也不屑的时候，你就会明白，我们之前的记忆，连回忆都不是了，就像Chemistry，Sejarah一样，你今天才读，今天就忘了。有联系的每天都是今天；大家都不屑的每天，是N天。当公式上有太多的Variable的时候，你才会想，为什么以前只是1+1，现在变了N+1。难度不是因为你长大而增加，是因为你不屑了，而变复杂。朋友是因为有共同的性质才会发生；同一间课室，同一个爱好；同一个话题；同一个观点。当你发觉我们之间，Ei，做么我们以前会那么熟啊？变的不是因为你毕了业，换了爱好，不同话题，不同观点，肤浅；变的是因为毕业了你不屑见面；换了爱好不屑分享；不同话题你不屑争议；换了观点你也不屑细述。最后是因为你的不屑，朋友就走了。又时叫打球，喝茶，打机，都没人理的时候，我心想，有必要强逼人家吗？不要就算啦，看来我也开始不屑了，不要就算了，真的算了，说哥逼你怕你哭着找妈妈说我欺负你。得空，召；拒绝，就算了，我连理由都不想知道，不是你的妈，完全不用解释，没意思。

就当你空虚时，你才会发现，你那一堆所谓朋友，早在很久以前，就已经不屑了。

17/11

Have you ever wondered that does mighty yao every get depress and emo, well maybe u guys know the answer, of cos its yes. As a person that act totally depending on mood, working and love life has become a total challenge for me. I cant actually do watever i wan during work (of cos) and i cant get a gf anytime i wan (of cos x3), tis is literally my life now, it doesnt struck u until u realize the fact that u shud be depressing since few yrs ago.

Realizing how robotic life is charge up h2o in my eyes ngam2 the amount it wont flow out, the urge of singing k is running thru my veins and i feel like banging walls. It would probably be better tmr but i cant escape tis moment of depression, tat is telling me how worthless im living my life. Doing smthn i dun like for 16yrs of my life, and doing its season 2 for the rest of my life. Worthless. How can i nt feel anythn after realizing this?

Spend all my free time doing stupid things like watching drama, kpop, porn, plyin bball, plyin dota, plyin piano, gain wat? weak joints, some stupid korea phrase stucked in ma head, hormones rush, love plastic girls, 3k mmr (world best player reaching 10k), maybe good reflex and relative hearing but watever its pointless, life literally wasted.

Mama always tell u, dun get gf when u young, no money to support, then wat? So u think im so hansom i can get chicks as long as im grad? Realizing another 2 facts that u no gf during Smk is cos all the girls in secondary school 都看不上你的样子, so it doesnt matter whr u go or how old u get; then if u go work, u think 妹子们还等你吗？baka no hanashi, naive also nid to stop at 1 level lor.

什么可惜不是你, 至少还有你，你妹啊？你TM是谁啊？我假如TM写个曲名字肯定叫你在哪儿。不过看来就算有个你，看到我，都跑了吧。到了23岁还靠着右手是多么可悲的事，虽然就算有了女友也未必不用右手la... 还是考虑下要去哪里叫个Ayam Goreng算了吧…… Life is so empty when u look back the u before have not done anything, and the u now is nt doing anything either --- from Yao :(