29/10

First sem final year, i registered 1 elective, ctrl system 2. Ctrl sys 1 isnt that hard, laplace, transfer function, a fck lot of integrals and graphs and so on. But ctrl sys 2 first chapter almost screw my brain up, finding unknowns from electromechanical system, without notes, wif his high speed slide swipe and raps, and his inhuman white board handwritting plus me sitting behind, 哥真的是，看不见，听不到，抄不及. The most distracting thing is, there are 14 chinese in the class, half of them r girls, and 1 lenglui among them. I duno u r frm mechanical electrical or electronic, just stay there and let me see 😚😚😚 suddenly taking electives isnt that sad of a case, given i pass the finals haha, how to survive 3 elective nxt sem...

18/10

i love basketball. the first time i try bball, no one teach me, so i learn everythn by myself, how much i hated those friends that r good but they only know how to improve themself, thats why i nvr keep my knowledge, u wana noe, u ask, i tell. 

then i see everyone take the ball and shoot, folo lo, but no matter how much time i spent on it alone, i just cant get it in. the basketball court is full of people, so everyday after school i would spend all my time in the court, 1pm-3pm is hot? no problem i can take it (now u gt skin allergic, dai sei) even if i hav tuition on 2pm, i would play even its only 20 mins, on weekends i came on 7am and shoot all by myself, quiet and dark? no problem. But it doesnt reli hlp, the ball wont go in, cos no one bother to teach me, board reflection 弹板，body position, knee bending, 1 hand release 1 hand supp, ppl see u shoot, laugh at u frm behind but they nvr tell u why, stupid ppl. 

then finally, my best frien chau (at that moment), wait i nid to clarify, i tot best frien = how long u guys know each other, well... nvm. he taught me how to lay up, theoretically the nearer u r under the hoop the easier to score, lay up is a series of action where u dribble the ball in and lay the ball up, sounds simple? it took me 3 days cos my dear friend only explain the theory, his demo was bad, 读书厉害？没有用啦，都做不到 😎😎😎 

I was so happy, i used it in every match, so after i get the ball no matter how many ppl blocking in frnt of me, i would dash in like wind and lay it up frm any angle. I was very proud wif my speed and laying technique, my layup skills surpass senior school team players, but i read the steps, i never read the precaution. A stable layup needs good rythm, combo with the 1-2 step, where utilize the limit of foul steps allowed (3 step is a foul) and use final step properly. I jump with my left leg on the 2nd step, lap the ball up, and land wif my right leg. 

it was a surprise when i found out many ppl cant do it, they would lose rhythm and walk extra steps, or they wouldnt walk at all, but previously u were dashing so u need to hold the ball for 2 steps to gain a stable posture, and here comes the main part, by jumping wif ur left leg, it would hurt the muscle of ur calf cos of the momentum u build dashing in, plus i run fast no brakes, and the landing, would be the momentum + gravity force, doesnt really hurt ur muscle, but it damage ur ankle, knee and waist. At least 40 times i twist my right leg ankle, is only natural this shit happens, if i know the theory early hand, i would rather miss the ball by going slower than damaging my beautiful sexy legs.

Took me more than 5 yrs to realize tis fact, but legs are unreplacable, too late to regret, too ignorant to prevent. But i wasnt stupid, i realize i would hurt my ankle if i layup, so i dont layup at all (best solution), but i cant shoot nicely, my layups accuracy r 70%, but my shots? less than 25%, once every 4 shots, im nt gonna do such insulting act, 丢脸到要死，so i choose to perfect my dribble and pass. Pass is safest shit ever, by giving him the ball, i gav him all the pressure and responsibility, so i dun reli nid to do anythn <3 someone can score, i just nid to make sure they gt the ball. but it took me more than half a yr to learn it, the art of passing isnt as easy as u think, high pass, straight pass, floor bounce pass, adjusting strength for each passes and pass in the correct timing and judgement, it was more hectic than layup, u would nid to be dribbling without looking at the floor/ball cos u nid to look at the whole court to find the correct guy to pass, annoying, but its within my ability, multitasking is 1 of the rare talent i freeking own, proudly 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

I would have backside muscle pain after playing, i thought it was normal, til now, in this fckin second, after 8 yrs of playing basketball, i realize why i have all the muscle pain, is cos of passing zz in order to surprise the defender, passing with 1 hand is 1 of the most efficient way, u dont nid to grab the ball before hand, saves a lot of time, and by using 1 hand, u r actually using ur whole body strength, a little bit of rotation and momentum theory, centripetal force? fck the laws la, but its a little hard to ctrl the direction, well im human, mistakes r bound to happen (sry i juz dun wana admit i sucks) So, by focusing all ur force in 1 hand, u think ur triceps, elbow, wrist, shoulder, and links to my backsides can take all the pressure? OF COS NO, but it took me 3 yrs to realize why am i having intense back pain, why am i so stupid?? and its only on my right side, stupid fck, such a big hint and i ignore it, now i know why ppl pass wif both hands, utilize both shoulder and arm without kacau ur backside, why why why i never care, alrdy no ppl teaching, if sendiri dun take care, who wana jaga me?? winning games? 哥宁愿输，让哥睡个好觉吧 TT, sry backside, ur brain is slow TT 😭😭😭

8/10

tis blog is practically the 1 place for me to shout out my anger, keeping fire inside is always dangerous. i hav allergic, duno to wat, but whn it happens my whole body will feel the pain, i scratch here, the other side will feel it, its periodic so unless i take med it wont go away for a time period. even thou i aint sure what cause this, but thru out these yrs i can see a few common things, im guessing mayb these trigger it. Hot fry food, there goes my fav fry chicken zz, heat, dust, dan sebagainya. But 1 of the things im nt sure is stress. I dont know how ppl define stress, but study last min for finals wif very low carry marks + 3 papers in consecutive days is not stress to me, cos i wont feel itchy when i stressing out my mind, mayb im enjoying cramping shits in my head, @@ but after plyin a dota game, no matter win or lose, it happens. So means plyin game to me is gaining stress, study can release stress? it might be true for my case, i wont be extra happy after getting an A or get very very sad wif a D. but i feel like shit when i lose a game

For studies, getting low carry marks is my own fault, studying last min for finals is fun, so no matter wat marks i get, i deserve it. Well it's the same if u ply RPG game (smthn like pokemon) if u fail to catch that pokemon or lost, its ur own fault, u deserve it, nth to be stress out or sad, ur lost doesnt affect anyone, i dont regret nt pouring more effort, cos while im nt studying, im doin smthn else, is definitely less important than studies but that moment is decided by me, so nth to be regret of. But to me, ppl that ply RPG r weird, cos u r plyin alone, wasting so much time on 1 character, and after u complete the game, u buy another one and start clearing the stages again, i mean, WHATS SO FUN OF PLAYING AND WINNING ALONE? this kind of ppl definitely are able to sing k, yamcha, and watch movie alone. WEIRD!

i dont like to solo, the feeling of being alone, it isnt lonely, but smthn else. whats the meaning of winning smthn alone, u earn the title of winner, champion, but u r alone, no one noe how much hard work u pour out, no one is on par wif u, and so wat u clear every stage of the game, it feel so meaningless, totally is spending ur free time alone. u stay at home study everyday, and u get A for every subj, u might feel that u achieve smthn, but to me, u r just clearing stage in a freaking fast pace with super high score, i cant reli understand ppl that are able to study and memorize terms, how can u spend ur time in a quiet room wif books, all the words and terms, so boring... not in a bad way, i respect u guys, its smthn that i can never do in my life.

So whats the diff between clearing stage alone and clearing stage together? to show off how good you r? I nvr understood this too, cos i only played games wif my bro, and kids chasing around when i was in SJKC, i nvr actually tried co-op games. Its diff from MMORPG, means maplestory type of games whr ppl on9 and start plying a role and do ques + up lvl together, i dont like those games either, u nid to slowly pump up ur levels, buy items, a waste of time, its nothing diff from studies, 打不完的关，读不完的书, TM 想到就怕. The coop that im still plyin now is bball and dota, whats the diff between this 2 and other games? 1 is u can never win alone no matter how much hard work u pour in (solo bastards 问你死未) and it hav a score/time limit to end the game.

If u r thinking this, no matter how much hard work u pour in, it doesnt necessarily help u in winning the game, u r damn right, coop games r like ur life, trying to survive alone is suicide, so u r a genius or wat so ever, u think u alone can settle everythn? there are no fix bosses to fight, no mid terms no finals, everythn u do, the whole process decides ur result, there r no text books to help u, mayb u can refer past years (youtube pro people gameplays), but watching doesnt mean u can do it, and what they do might nt help to win too :D every game is full of surprises, full of hope, full of disappointments, we share the victory, we share the lost, we help each other out, we save each other ass, cos no one is perfect, so i dont bother becoming perfect, people endure my temper and illogical ideas, and i try to be useful for what i can do, i make full use of the things im good at

For coop games, a victory is very fulfilling, cos if u ply wif 4 ppl, that makes u feel 5 times happier, of cos if u lose, u will feel 5 times sadder, 5 fello lost, is a given. For me, i learn a lot of stuffs thru those games, it sums up into who i am now, when i see people do this, i keep wondering why and i ll try to learn, nt just in terms of technical skills, but some real good soft skills, when ppl done wrong, scolding them stupid, noob, idiot wont solve the problem, people take their time to explain and show me ways to improve, i do the same, if u r willing to listen, im willing to explain, and im willing to listen, improve and fix the mistakes. i hate ppl that assume things, "he should know this, it should be like this", what shit is like this? u ll never noe if u never try, he ll nvr noe if u never tell, so stop being a bitch and tell him up front, if u say i shouldnt shout so much its irritating, i ll actually reflect on it and try to keep quiet abit more often

So here comes the angry part, pinoy is a short form used for filipina, in dota 2, most pinoy players r selfish, noob but talk big, not all cos i noe some very good filipina players that r polite, but majority killed the good... so when u match up with a pinoy, u r consider doomed... pinoy now doesnt just stands for filipina, it stands for selfish and.... sry for the innocent guys... its very frustrating when they start to do watever they wan and screw the game up, but u cant speak tagalog so u basically cant do a shit except replying bobo putaXXXna. but for ur own friends being a pinoy that screw u up, after u had explain to them thousands of times, i really cant take it, its like u collect all the trusts i gav u, and buang laut feed goldfish, actually a sry could had solve everything, but for those ppl that think they din do anythn wrong and actually blame everythn bck on u, dun ask me how that feels, im feeling it, a lot these days. If u r innocent, u ll feel angry, and sad, disappointing, no more plyin wif this guy. But what if u r not sure weather u did wrong or nt, u ll lose confidence, confused, no more plyin this game. It occurs to me, there r times i gav up on ppl, there r times i gav up on myself, either way, it felt like shit, **im feeling like shit**

Here i kept thinking, is just a game, why so serious? i sincerely think that a game that all 5 ppl giv in all they got is the main point of playing the game, i don like people that say, "we nid 1 more person, is fine that u duno how to play, just join in we r short handed" so u 4 win the game happily, and the 5th person stand there doin nth but earn that victory, how will he feel? if its basketball, u try to giv him the ball to let him feel that at least he participated, but he cant even grab ur pass properly and the ball roll to the opponent, how will he feel? if u bring him in, teaching him is the least u can do, is always the attitude, skills doesnt matter, u r responsible on his feelings, is just a game, and its suppose to be JUST A GAME, but u played wif a person's feeling, the feeling of being useless, extra, pasu bunga, he nvr asked for it, no one shud ever experience that, even if he volunteer to be ur pot, u shudnt hav let him, if u persuade someone to do smthn, nvr, ever, leave him out. its suppose to express how angry i was after losing a game, but i end up explaining why am i so into coop type of games, finally i can sleep, =)))