8/10

tis blog is practically the 1 place for me to shout out my anger, keeping fire inside is always dangerous. i hav allergic, duno to wat, but whn it happens my whole body will feel the pain, i scratch here, the other side will feel it, its periodic so unless i take med it wont go away for a time period. even thou i aint sure what cause this, but thru out these yrs i can see a few common things, im guessing mayb these trigger it. Hot fry food, there goes my fav fry chicken zz, heat, dust, dan sebagainya. But 1 of the things im nt sure is stress. I dont know how ppl define stress, but study last min for finals wif very low carry marks + 3 papers in consecutive days is not stress to me, cos i wont feel itchy when i stressing out my mind, mayb im enjoying cramping shits in my head, @@ but after plyin a dota game, no matter win or lose, it happens. So means plyin game to me is gaining stress, study can release stress? it might be true for my case, i wont be extra happy after getting an A or get very very sad wif a D. but i feel like shit when i lose a game

For studies, getting low carry marks is my own fault, studying last min for finals is fun, so no matter wat marks i get, i deserve it. Well it's the same if u ply RPG game (smthn like pokemon) if u fail to catch that pokemon or lost, its ur own fault, u deserve it, nth to be stress out or sad, ur lost doesnt affect anyone, i dont regret nt pouring more effort, cos while im nt studying, im doin smthn else, is definitely less important than studies but that moment is decided by me, so nth to be regret of. But to me, ppl that ply RPG r weird, cos u r plyin alone, wasting so much time on 1 character, and after u complete the game, u buy another one and start clearing the stages again, i mean, WHATS SO FUN OF PLAYING AND WINNING ALONE? this kind of ppl definitely are able to sing k, yamcha, and watch movie alone. WEIRD!

i dont like to solo, the feeling of being alone, it isnt lonely, but smthn else. whats the meaning of winning smthn alone, u earn the title of winner, champion, but u r alone, no one noe how much hard work u pour out, no one is on par wif u, and so wat u clear every stage of the game, it feel so meaningless, totally is spending ur free time alone. u stay at home study everyday, and u get A for every subj, u might feel that u achieve smthn, but to me, u r just clearing stage in a freaking fast pace with super high score, i cant reli understand ppl that are able to study and memorize terms, how can u spend ur time in a quiet room wif books, all the words and terms, so boring... not in a bad way, i respect u guys, its smthn that i can never do in my life.

So whats the diff between clearing stage alone and clearing stage together? to show off how good you r? I nvr understood this too, cos i only played games wif my bro, and kids chasing around when i was in SJKC, i nvr actually tried co-op games. Its diff from MMORPG, means maplestory type of games whr ppl on9 and start plying a role and do ques + up lvl together, i dont like those games either, u nid to slowly pump up ur levels, buy items, a waste of time, its nothing diff from studies, 打不完的关，读不完的书, TM 想到就怕. The coop that im still plyin now is bball and dota, whats the diff between this 2 and other games? 1 is u can never win alone no matter how much hard work u pour in (solo bastards 问你死未) and it hav a score/time limit to end the game.

If u r thinking this, no matter how much hard work u pour in, it doesnt necessarily help u in winning the game, u r damn right, coop games r like ur life, trying to survive alone is suicide, so u r a genius or wat so ever, u think u alone can settle everythn? there are no fix bosses to fight, no mid terms no finals, everythn u do, the whole process decides ur result, there r no text books to help u, mayb u can refer past years (youtube pro people gameplays), but watching doesnt mean u can do it, and what they do might nt help to win too :D every game is full of surprises, full of hope, full of disappointments, we share the victory, we share the lost, we help each other out, we save each other ass, cos no one is perfect, so i dont bother becoming perfect, people endure my temper and illogical ideas, and i try to be useful for what i can do, i make full use of the things im good at

For coop games, a victory is very fulfilling, cos if u ply wif 4 ppl, that makes u feel 5 times happier, of cos if u lose, u will feel 5 times sadder, 5 fello lost, is a given. For me, i learn a lot of stuffs thru those games, it sums up into who i am now, when i see people do this, i keep wondering why and i ll try to learn, nt just in terms of technical skills, but some real good soft skills, when ppl done wrong, scolding them stupid, noob, idiot wont solve the problem, people take their time to explain and show me ways to improve, i do the same, if u r willing to listen, im willing to explain, and im willing to listen, improve and fix the mistakes. i hate ppl that assume things, "he should know this, it should be like this", what shit is like this? u ll never noe if u never try, he ll nvr noe if u never tell, so stop being a bitch and tell him up front, if u say i shouldnt shout so much its irritating, i ll actually reflect on it and try to keep quiet abit more often

So here comes the angry part, pinoy is a short form used for filipina, in dota 2, most pinoy players r selfish, noob but talk big, not all cos i noe some very good filipina players that r polite, but majority killed the good... so when u match up with a pinoy, u r consider doomed... pinoy now doesnt just stands for filipina, it stands for selfish and.... sry for the innocent guys... its very frustrating when they start to do watever they wan and screw the game up, but u cant speak tagalog so u basically cant do a shit except replying bobo putaXXXna. but for ur own friends being a pinoy that screw u up, after u had explain to them thousands of times, i really cant take it, its like u collect all the trusts i gav u, and buang laut feed goldfish, actually a sry could had solve everything, but for those ppl that think they din do anythn wrong and actually blame everythn bck on u, dun ask me how that feels, im feeling it, a lot these days. If u r innocent, u ll feel angry, and sad, disappointing, no more plyin wif this guy. But what if u r not sure weather u did wrong or nt, u ll lose confidence, confused, no more plyin this game. It occurs to me, there r times i gav up on ppl, there r times i gav up on myself, either way, it felt like shit, **im feeling like shit**

Here i kept thinking, is just a game, why so serious? i sincerely think that a game that all 5 ppl giv in all they got is the main point of playing the game, i don like people that say, "we nid 1 more person, is fine that u duno how to play, just join in we r short handed" so u 4 win the game happily, and the 5th person stand there doin nth but earn that victory, how will he feel? if its basketball, u try to giv him the ball to let him feel that at least he participated, but he cant even grab ur pass properly and the ball roll to the opponent, how will he feel? if u bring him in, teaching him is the least u can do, is always the attitude, skills doesnt matter, u r responsible on his feelings, is just a game, and its suppose to be JUST A GAME, but u played wif a person's feeling, the feeling of being useless, extra, pasu bunga, he nvr asked for it, no one shud ever experience that, even if he volunteer to be ur pot, u shudnt hav let him, if u persuade someone to do smthn, nvr, ever, leave him out. its suppose to express how angry i was after losing a game, but i end up explaining why am i so into coop type of games, finally i can sleep, =)))