23/11

holiday is suppose to be the most thrilling thing on earth, no nid study, no nid work, u do what ever u wan, slp how long u wan, and wake anytime u like. Just the 3rd day, i alrdy feel bored. Every night dota, sleep, then wake up for lunch, dota, ball, dinner, routine redo, holiday life concluded. My life got no breakfast, no study, no nth. I feel so wasted, i played 6-8 games of dota every day which means alrdy 8 hrs of my life, + ball 2 hrs, time left is reli eat or slp. If i knew it earlier i would had taken watever course wif a friend, at least we will hav the same holiday, same topic, same gossip. Join watever gang, ball gang ke, sing k gang ke, classmates ke, besides the main activity, there is nth left between us. We play bball together, laugh on the court, but after the game we cant talk bout anythn besides ball, is this the norm? ask other friends, they all say they know how i feel. They say after 5-7 yrs friendship last forever, bullshit. The more time we spend together, the more ugly parts of each other we discover, 8 yrs is smthn like the limit of friendship, we will definitely fight over smthn, talk bad bout each others, develop diff interests, so on. And for me, there r only 2 cases, either the fight last forever and we diao chou, or that person nvr chg attitude drives me away, and the ending is the same. I personally like to fight, argue, criticize people, especially my friends, they deserve to know a 2nd honest opinion about themself, and for me, i like to be scold, nt because im a sadist, i wan to know, i wan to reflect, i wan to chg. No ppl is liked by everyone, i duno how many ppl hate me, i dun wana know, but tell me why, i talk too loud? im too annoying? i did smthn tat offended u? u no tell i duno, i din even gt the chance to explain and i got labeled by u, fuck u. my face offended u also shud leme noe mah i can at least avoid u. So many stupid dating apps for hamsap ppl, i wonder when will an apps to search true friend exist... (mamak at 3pm, search for people around, invite, and drink together ❤️❤️)

14/11

i love rain, to me its a very beautiful thing. I wont run if its raining heavily, cant escape anyway, i would gladly walk under the rain. I see ppl running like an idiot, ppl holding an umbrella and actually walk pass me, cars passing thru me wif monkeys inside looking at me, and many more funny funny shits. Rain wont kill anyway, no matter how heavy it is it makes u wet, at most. Sun? fuyoh u can die under it man. So we were balling, at night, thinking the rain just finished. Well the floor is wet, so we cant run, no one plyin serious, lots of chatting on the court, so much gay and bromance, and then rain come, everyone running, chicken fly dog walk, oni me walking away slowly. 

Kissing under the rain is romantic; sports under the rain is youth!! I truly think ppl tat had share this youth wif me will be best friends for life. But now seems like really left me, no point forcing wat u like on others, no diff frm direct sales; but i reli wana share out my passion to others, nt like someone keeping 2.6b in his own acc; but too much passion would juz scare my friends away... which, i don reli hav many left. Look back at chau, getting boycourt, cos of me (i think so), make me feel so guilty (i must be stupid thinking this), its happening to my bro, and my bro wana quit uni cos of this stupid reason. My parents were arguing bout this problem, my dad was furious, but my mum was sad, mum say bro don deserve this, dad say bro is stupid. Mum say she shud call and talk to him, dad say u shud juz leave him alone. So much love frm parents, well im nt jealous at all (definitely am), but nvm i dun care. 

I hav so many gangs, people say, Oh wow u hav so many friends, u can talk to anyone, i was like, hi and bye also consider talk? 你对朋友的定义太肤浅了吧? ppl call this 社交，i call this 滥交. I talked wif many kind of people, made my mind very versatile, flexible. I am willing to listen to anythn, well believe it or nt its up to me thou. But this make me classify ppl more, i become more 挑剔 choosing friend, i wan friend tat think like me, but everyone is unique, so mayb 50%? still too much? i hate people that talk bout logic and theory, realistic ppl shud juz die. I hate ppl that has a fixed mind, if u alrdy had ur own thoughts, its fine, but dont try to take out ur concept and argue while ppl talking for every little thing, annoying, ppl use fork eat noodles also wana kacau? I hate people that cant chat, people that come out wif a gang ended up playing phone whole day should juz fckin stay at home. I also hate people that are not considerate, no samples for this but juz try to see things frm my point of view. I hate ppl that doesnt improve, fatty getting fatter, blur getting more blur, 反省下啦. I hate people that doesnt comment, things that u like, u dont like, but all u say ok, how ppl know? things that ppl do wrong but u say its fine, how ppl know? arguing when ppl reli did smthn wrong is hlpin that person, and telling ur preference hlps improving our relationship. I really hated this, i gav up my first love for this reason, i gav up a few friendship for this reason. Well for friends there are vice versa situation, i try to argue wif people for the things they did wrong, i myself might be wrong thats why we argue, im nt teaching u, lets hav a discussion. 1 guy fck me bck upside down, 1 guy ignore me totally and 1 guy juz nod his head, chg another topic and make the same mistake again. I dont argue wif teachers, or strangers, or classmates. I argue wif best friends, cos we r bestfriends, but it doesnt seem that u guys think the same, im nt as weak as my bro, and if my friends boycourt me like chau, u stop right there, is nt u guys fire me, is i fire u guys. I would be lonely but i can still survive, BLEK, i don nid cabbages in my fruit basket, i dont even like vege, let my basket empty, its fckin fine. A friend told me he dont like my stupid stupid examples like cabbages, ok cool i ll stop talking like that, i listen, i reflect, i accept, i correct, no more stupid 比喻 frm today.