8/11

despite all the bullshits i typed, i went to play basketball. life is too boring without it.
boss tanya: "mau?"
aku cakap: tak mau! tak mau!,
then the 3rd time: "ok i on wat time?"

situation is the same, this kind of teammate and that kind of opponent, again. how much shit is this getting to me, 犯贱 meh?





as usual, i try to communicate, remind, work together, but somehow thai kid can understand better compare to chinese, 吾言难明？非汝耳不鸣?! slow reaction, small processor, blind, deaf, whichever term you use, they make me wana puke. since you are alrdy an OKU, pls la, drop your ego, hold ball 1st thing, shoot, wtf zz like that waste chance, u expect me to give you the ball meh? continuous missing breaks the team streak, fire, ohm, heat, will, whatever term you use, and you lose faith, if me also dont want give you ball, til u go home also i think u wont touch the ball. shoot is 1 thing, layup somemore.


layup is the most basic, easiest, accurate technique to score GIVEN:


1) you pass through all enemy
2) you get close enough to lay the ball in to the hoop
3) if 1 & 2 is not fulfill, please be either tall/strong enough to push in





budak, depan defender dance chacha while
holding a basketball is definitely NOT passing through your enemy, and how far are you frm the damn hoop, and you really got the balls to throw it in frnt of justin. FINE, i am ready to save your ass, but justin din even give me a chance cos you did it TOO obvious and he just slam your damn ball away right in frnt of your face. suppose trial and error is a good way to improve, but by changing chacha to samba IS NOT HELPING, AT ALL. normally 1 slap is enough, wow this guy is persistence enough even i dont feel like stopping him anymore... i wanted to smacked him in the face, its not that i din tell him, like i say,  OKU, deaf, or maybe i aint persuasive enough, true, who am i to tell you facts, ok fine ignore me pls, keep doing it, i bo bat jiu kua liao.

1 game, blood rush 1 time, looks like i have very low EQ, and today i actually lost to kids, budak budak sapu depan muka aku, 何等凄惨，谁能知晓? its not that i am scare of losing, nor 输不起, but, why should i lose? if we give in everything and we still lose, its cool, i find it fun, but i gav in +10, u pour in *(-1), how much effort i put in is futile, wasted, throw off, crumble, destroyed, whichever word you find it convenient.



i had a dream, a pair of shoes, a red-white jersey, a team of friends, tons of practices, countless of victories over loss. this make me regret studying, having results, end up in a different environment. i hate studies, no matter how much i score, i wont feel happy; no matter how interesting the subject is, i wont feel like studying. these yrs, i have been dreaming, slping, farming in class, i always sit beside a plug to charge my phone, i farm every 20 mins, spacing off while troops are getting ready.

but every time before exam, when i see the price per subject, and my mum's face, i have no choice but to study. sit down on the damn chair, staring at the past yr papers, without knowing how and why, i memorize every single question and answer, 12 hr be4 i go into the damn hall. thermodynamics, i never actually understood why this formula need to be used in this situation, the teacher was very lenient in class, as long as u shut up, he dont care, so i never actually listen to him for the whole sem.(and i get my Xbows, yeah!)




my carry marks was 20.6/40, well at least got half haha for final i got a B-, 65-69, so what i get for finals is 44/60, very low marks leh?? but i only had 12 hrs excluding sleeping and eating time, and there is only 8 past year papers, the 5th question was something new so this score was expected.

so this means i will score better if i study more, but i dont like it, so fck it. i nvr actually had the balls to pursue what i loved, i missed so many things, so many chances, so many people, cos i din do it right, cos i din say it out, i realize, but i din grab it. 21 is a year that open minds, despite its open, the things which were missed will nvr come bck, the Ds i got will never turn to A, the things i said will never be forget, the actions i done will always be remember, and the things that i havent done, will still remain undone, no matter how much i redo it now.

i am too old for dreams now, should i start by throwing my old basketball shoes and gift my ball to someone?? maybe that damn jersey also, i wont be wearing it anyway. why i 去到那么尽? because i love basketball, i dont dare to love it more, but i am scared of dumping it, 这种暧昧乱伦混淆的少女心情, 真TM難明~ <3 br="">

6/11

看着那件球衣，红十二，是我的成就。我的技术，速度，是我的努力。那粒Molten gg7, 是我的红包钱。而现在，是时候告诉自己，要收手了。听人家说，到了一定的巅峰期，就会因为闷而退出。我说，到了巅峰，怎会放弃呢？不是会更醉心吗？我的右脚，从十四岁开始到现在，扭伤不少过40次，这绝对不是夸张，严格来说，废了。左脚也有7，8次，左手肩膀也脱臼脱到没feel了，双手拇指都受过伤，脚底的水泡印到现在还隐隐约约，这是我认真，努力的过程中经过的小挫折，我没有放弃，也没有后悔。昨天下楼梯时，脚踝竟然敢敢跟我松去，从4楼的楼梯，只好一步一步地走，后悔吗？没有，但影响却多少浮现了。到了我这个水准，技术已经没有多少可以再进步的空间，唯一输人的，就是跳不高，跑不快，撑不久，撞不得。这些都是后天努力可以补回的，但我决定放弃。没有任何再让我继续执着，继续变强的理由了。那停留在我现在这个样子，有问题吗？像我这样，遇弱即赢，遇强即输，还有什么东西好玩呢？最近也让我深深体会到猪一般的队友这个句子。但我想，我当别人是猪，难道别人当我神吗？自己几多斤两自己清楚，我没有鄙视人的资格，完全没有。我自己就是一个笑话，我也没有笑人的资格，更加没有。不过我真的闷了，我若不练，就跟不上强者的对决，但继续跟这么底水准的人打球，浪费时间，还要特地配合他们，还有自己的旧伤风险，不值得。我还是很爱篮球，一个假动作向右，转身带到左边，运进去，打个两步，跳了起来，在空中闪过对手的手，轻轻地把球放上去，这是我的绝技，我最威风的招，但带有的风险，是随时得躺在床上几个月的。撞到别人就跌倒，站不稳就会扭伤，我那脆弱的左手又会脱臼，对手送我的，elbows, 等等等等。而且也没有值得我那么认真的队友，神一般的对手算得了什么？有什么assignment是容易的？神一般的功课，永远都是猪一般的队友让你得不到高分，无需自责！就，再见，篮球，这不是我第一次想quit，从来没有一次成功，但是时候开始了。

2/11

ytd ply bball, team A gt ks, ks, pro kid + a kid, team B is me, lim, thai kid + a pro. My team gt a pro, tall, strong, accurate and calibur, good, i feel lucky. As we play, he starts to communicate, i am happy that he isnt the kind that only scores by himself, we got to do some teamplay which is fun. But we played 2 rounds, in the end i still cant understand his pattern of atkin, and i cant guard opponent pro kid which let us lose a lot of points. So here comes, pro dulan alrdy, but he din fck lim misses or thai kid misses, oni i kena. Why u pass like that? Why u din let him score? Why u din do it properly? I was like, the other 2 make more obvious and stupid mistakes why only i kena??!! I should be happy, the pro treat me as a human and want to communicate, cos i can see him treat lim and the kid as pawns, but i seriously dont know how to coordinate a guy i just met, i end up saying sry for the whole game for all the misses i made. I feel abit, 不甘愿, i have to take on opponent best scorer, and in the same time u want me to atk while our team is under height disadvantage, u urself so tall dun wan ply inside, ngai hou confuse yi sia lo. The last 5 mins i am apologizing like mad and he is still scolding me, u tell me wat to fix la, dun la just scold. The other 2 din even get a single word frm u, suddenly i feel, why i kena leh... TT this aint the 1st time, pro tends to pressure u more when u r just a little itsy bitsy more capable than others, but he din fully utilize me also, i din even gt a chance to do any of my layups, so much for communicating, hmmph! then again i am proud to be recognize, human dont speak to ant, at least i aint as insignificant as others, self consult, haiz...