But i was so happy i shud be singing k at 5pm, so me happily reach there to hear him say: full sir. So me and kit went to had dinner, and i laosai so badly in that shit piece of toilet, talk about bad toilet experience, and we went to watch movie.
In tis state of me i choose to watch 13 hours, looks like a nice fighting movie but actually NO, it portraits how a soldier defend a base in war, seeing his comrades die, nation abandon them, and a bunch of people to protect, kids at home, shit man, this thing is so real that it literally kills my mentality.
12am, tired, blurr, juz wana go bck to my dorm, straight down on a dark path, under a street light, a cat jump out. I think i cant avoid it, since its running straight avoiding it might actually hit him, and car coming frm the other lane as well, i cant think of a better way, i step on the brek, then realizing car behind was sticking tight, i let go...
i hit the emergency signal, i felt my car ran over smthn, if u are a very experience driver, u shud be able to feel it, running over smthn, squash, frnt tire, to the back tire, and my cars damper has funny cricking sounds. I stop my car, i walk out, i don care about cars behind me now, i walk out, ppl horning, i don care, i looked behind, i cant see the cat; i look at my tire, i cant see anythn; 这一刻的我坐回上车，关掉音乐，望前放空，心里除了 “what the fck had i done”, 就只剩空白。
i drove home safely. I kept thinking, i wasnt too fast, the cat jump out too suddenly, i cant avoid, i cant break; banging side cars to keep u alive? or letting ppl bang me from behind? I din do wrong, but why muz u do this to me? is it better if i get bang than i bang u? wouldnt i nt feel so fckin guilty? im convinced its ur fault, but u died in my hands. i din see ur body, but i roll
over smthn, i wish it was just a rock, and u survive between the tires, that was the oni thing that i hope for.
I hated cats, i got food poisoning twice cos of ur furs, u guys tried to rob my food 4 times as well, i nvr liked u, but nt to the extend to flat u... i cant forgive myself, i dont need forgiveness, i ll carry this mistake for life, but how long would it take for me to cool this incident down? even my first love took me 6 months straight to let go.
Is it too heartless to think tis way? Maybe. I dont remember things for long, happy or sad, it goes away, hate or love, it doesnt stay forever, if i always think like that, my life goes on; i missed this class, it minus me 2 marks, cant do a shit, forget bout it; my first love, for 8 yrs unchanged love, decided to stop this relationship, cant do a shit, forget bout it; I killed a cat, but if i dun bang it, i got bang, cant do a shit, forget about it; 这是向前，这是逃避，这是面对，还是停留？I nvr doubt my way of thinking, but when i question it, did i get my life? or did i lost it alrdy?
对人生；太认真？你就输了；不认真？你赢了吗？#我的人生又迈进了一步#
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