26/11

做工是很空虚的，早早醒来，傍晚回来，已经有气无力，10Pm没到就KO了。就这样接着5天，就算周末也会自然早睡早起。是很健康，很有规律，但很孤单的日子。5天的时间献给了公司，大家不是结了婚，就是拍了拖，也有代沟，各有各忙，哪来时间交流。虽然工作环境是非常轻松自由，但压力一定会有的。就是像每天都要做 Assignment，不过你不能做错，不然就得背锅。

自然而然你会察觉，你以前的朋友都不会找你。讲各有各忙，但没理由一个周末，1个小时都没有。当然不是啦，不过有时间宁愿扑在家都不想见到你咯。个个礼拜都坚持去打球，不是因为什么身体健康那么伟大的理由。我只想时间和朋友一起过，久不见，你就会忘记，我们曾经是多么亲，谈心事，说坏话，讲笑话。我已经开始忘记了，不过看来别人已经完全忘了。曾几何时，我们每天都见面，每晚都喝茶，每周末都打麻将，每天都一起打机，一起打球，一起睡觉，现在的Chat box，只剩下Seen，since N days ago。没召，是一回事；召了，却召不出，太没意思了。

当有一天，一定会到来的一天，我也不屑的时候，你就会明白，我们之前的记忆，连回忆都不是了，就像Chemistry，Sejarah一样，你今天才读，今天就忘了。有联系的每天都是今天；大家都不屑的每天，是N天。当公式上有太多的Variable的时候，你才会想，为什么以前只是1+1，现在变了N+1。难度不是因为你长大而增加，是因为你不屑了，而变复杂。朋友是因为有共同的性质才会发生；同一间课室，同一个爱好；同一个话题；同一个观点。当你发觉我们之间，Ei，做么我们以前会那么熟啊？变的不是因为你毕了业，换了爱好，不同话题，不同观点，肤浅；变的是因为毕业了你不屑见面；换了爱好不屑分享；不同话题你不屑争议；换了观点你也不屑细述。最后是因为你的不屑，朋友就走了。又时叫打球，喝茶，打机，都没人理的时候，我心想，有必要强逼人家吗？不要就算啦，看来我也开始不屑了，不要就算了，真的算了，说哥逼你怕你哭着找妈妈说我欺负你。得空，召；拒绝，就算了，我连理由都不想知道，不是你的妈，完全不用解释，没意思。

就当你空虚时，你才会发现，你那一堆所谓朋友，早在很久以前，就已经不屑了。

17/11

Have you ever wondered that does mighty yao every get depress and emo, well maybe u guys know the answer, of cos its yes. As a person that act totally depending on mood, working and love life has become a total challenge for me. I cant actually do watever i wan during work (of cos) and i cant get a gf anytime i wan (of cos x3), tis is literally my life now, it doesnt struck u until u realize the fact that u shud be depressing since few yrs ago.

Realizing how robotic life is charge up h2o in my eyes ngam2 the amount it wont flow out, the urge of singing k is running thru my veins and i feel like banging walls. It would probably be better tmr but i cant escape tis moment of depression, tat is telling me how worthless im living my life. Doing smthn i dun like for 16yrs of my life, and doing its season 2 for the rest of my life. Worthless. How can i nt feel anythn after realizing this?

Spend all my free time doing stupid things like watching drama, kpop, porn, plyin bball, plyin dota, plyin piano, gain wat? weak joints, some stupid korea phrase stucked in ma head, hormones rush, love plastic girls, 3k mmr (world best player reaching 10k), maybe good reflex and relative hearing but watever its pointless, life literally wasted.

Mama always tell u, dun get gf when u young, no money to support, then wat? So u think im so hansom i can get chicks as long as im grad? Realizing another 2 facts that u no gf during Smk is cos all the girls in secondary school 都看不上你的样子, so it doesnt matter whr u go or how old u get; then if u go work, u think 妹子们还等你吗？baka no hanashi, naive also nid to stop at 1 level lor.

什么可惜不是你, 至少还有你，你妹啊？你TM是谁啊？我假如TM写个曲名字肯定叫你在哪儿。不过看来就算有个你，看到我，都跑了吧。到了23岁还靠着右手是多么可悲的事，虽然就算有了女友也未必不用右手la... 还是考虑下要去哪里叫个Ayam Goreng算了吧…… Life is so empty when u look back the u before have not done anything, and the u now is nt doing anything either --- from Yao :(

23/10

朋友，真的不在乎认识多久，只在乎在这段期间，我们一起做过的事，一起度过的时间。最不想让人知道到的秘密，有时可以毫无顾忌地跟你认识一两年的朋友说，但却不会让认识了十几年的朋友知道，友情就是那么一回事，不是时间跟金钱可以衡量的东西，更不是随便一个我跟你就可以Ship出来的东西。

有一个十几年的Chau可以把朋友秘密当Asset和Joke来看；有个八九年的Lim可以告诉你在他家帮他开门的女生是不认识的；然后有个三四年的Chris可以把昨天发生的所有事都与你分享。有些秘密是不想让人知道的，我理解；不过有些人，是值得你用更好的谎言来交代的。

身为一个朋友，一向用心待人是我的Style，所以对Bojio都非常敏感。一天，Lim召了我，Zh，Hung打羽球，我无条件答应了，约10Am。醒来时，是11Am，我连电话都没看，即刻准备飞出羽球场，看了下电话，我无言了。Lim载了Hung，来我家门口，打了10通电话，5封信息，3个Fb密，但是都不舍得按门铃。迟醒永远是我不对，但你用不想吵醒我当理由，你把9年的友情当什么？然后来个Zh竟然说等我醒了才去，我靠，叫你打羽球还是来Double Date，没我会死么？然后最可恶的事，这班废柴以我为理由，Cancel了打球。

好，迟醒永远是错的，为了赎罪，我再约1Pm打球。1Pm，Lim的回复竟然是：我刚打完回来，你要去你就去吧。你，要把我们3个甩，理由请不要那么婉转好吗？真的要赖我吗？没人赖我啊，那是要我赖自己吗？我一直不明白，直到想起他还有召一个女生，哥瞬间觉醒。真的有必要玩弄大伙的感情吗？可是，我无法理解的是，为什么只有我一个在难过？在生气？

Hung：Doesnt matter, none of my business
Zh：Its ok i hav more time to sleep

真的吗？我小题大做吗？我的反应太大了吗？不过我真的，不会再去任何你召的Ball Session了，我没有义务要让自己的友情再那么被践踏一次。妈说，人家开车撞你，你为什么不闪？所以你被撞，也是你的错；你被践踏，也是你的错；所以唯一的解决，永远是避免，哥驾车永远没经过那条被撞的路了，也永远不去你召的球聚。

我最珍惜的友情，是College时有1群愿意每天陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Gang；是大学时又一个愿意每天陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Friend；是中学毕业后才认识的别班朋友，几个愿意陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的Friend；是小学到现在愿意陪你打球，吃饭，读书，喝茶，打机，谈天的几个Friend。中学认识的，只有自己去打球，自己一个人吃饭，各打各机，各谈各天，喝茶没召，每天躲在家里的一班柴。

不去参别的Gang，你根本不会懂友情的价值，认识那么久的把你当柴；认识那几次的把你当人。是不打机打球就不能做朋友吗？不是的，你愿意尝试打机打球，是提升我们友情的一个努力；我陪你们打羽球，我样子很享受吗？是一份努力，维系，执着。不要说我没叫你那么做，是我愿意的，因为我珍惜一起的时间。学着看韩剧不是突然的，是一份尝试，刚好塔上罢了。没有突然爱上韩剧的男生，只有看了一段时间，几套剧，开始接受的男生。我是真的不喜欢听英语Pop，不是因为什么你接受不了的理由，我是听了，觉得不适合，不是那种没听就拒绝的。但为了配合，还是很努力地接受，不点歌不是因为我Pattern，是与其唱一堆周杰伦给你听，我更想听听你究竟喜欢什么歌，这样以后可以一起唱啊，我想帮你配假音啊Lol。

可能这一切都只是我为了表达自己对友情的看法而举的一堆废例子，你们每次要陪我谈天可能更辛苦，跟我打球你们也可能觉得很不好玩，跟我打机也觉得我很Noob，跟我唱歌觉得很吵，根本就是不想Jio我，不是 Bojio。我不知道我不知道的事情，所以也只能从我知道的角度说出我知道的事情。做人也没有一味Complain，哥每天都有反省。不过也都罢了，有些东西我宁愿一世人都不知道，只要还没翻脸，朋友还是朋友。要生气一个人，气一整天都嫌累，心情都会不好，何苦，UNFRIEND不就对了咯？？^_^ 😃😃😃

20/10

记得很多很多年前，有人问过我，假如钟欣潼愿意嫁你，你会娶她吗？我很坚决地说No，因为那个事件，让我觉得她很脏。现在想回，自己很幼稚；每天都想干别的女生，但被人干过的女生却心存偏见。

有人告诉过我，找女朋友不要找太单纯的。我说单纯好，容易解决 😎😎😎 可能她堕过胎告诉你很爱前男友，思想单纯啊。我这个时候又想，假如我女友真堕过胎，我还会要她吗？

我的答案是，会。不能因为性而拒绝爱，这是很白痴的行为。性是男女之间的事，爱是我和你之间的事，和任何女生都可以搞起来，但就只爱一个女生。这样分的话，男生不就是禽兽不如吗？爱着你，但与别的女生发生关系，还理直气壮地说爱着你。女生？和别的男人做过，就肮脏，发娇，不要脸。

看来两个人的关系，爱应该是其次，信任才是最重要的。我要相信你不会再和前男友搞上，你也要相信我不会搞上别人。把性和爱分开只是一个看法，其实性和爱其实是一起的，应该不会去搞一个你不喜欢的人吧。

再换个角度看，有些“聪明”的女生，会用些保护自己的理由，拒绝与男友做。当然，这样做是没错的，第一次要留给老公，不是要生孩子干嘛要做，等等。这个，不是因为不相信男友会负责吗？性是促进两性关系的一个行为，而且，结婚后才知道老公的Ahem不Work，你那个时候才来呱呱叫？

不过这也可能是我拿来掩饰与说服女友的一些歪理，有些情侣不做也很好感情啊？有很多女生都处女到结婚啊？那我以后会不会上女友？应该是问，该不该上？我的答案是，想上，不过她不给，我也不勉强，这是我给她的尊重。难道我真的会处男到结婚吗？Haizz，不懂是好事还是坏事... 真矛盾..

11/9

After finishing Love020, the feeling of emptiness for sapuing a drama in few days merangkumi kelapa aku. 哥的空虚，你他妈明白吗? finish mai the few episode of anime, kdrama and kvariety shows, again, looking at the pc, 竟他妈发现我真的没事做... (pls dun ask me study, it was nvr an option) look at my phone, so many notification, all about coc and cr, 看来我的朋友们拜六都他妈不得空吊我...

tis moment i almost forgot about my 1 and only computer game that im still active in, dota2. So i on, ply, ply, ply, and i cant believe the more i ply, the more empty i feel. 打dota是不会闷的, 不过一个人打，一点瘾都没有。And i decide to go ply bball, at 4pm, been a while since i come out so early when the sun is still kissing my dark skin~~ 幸好篮球没有出卖我，永远都是我解压过时间的top3 活动.

So now, 1 long lonely night, apa macam? 又是个寂寞的夜晚，但哥连咸片都没心情看，感觉会更空虚。哥有多空虚，哥就开着钢琴，打着一段自己也不知道叫什么的minor chord, 右手轮流按着Eb, Bb, G，30分钟.........

奶奶的竟然没事做，没东西玩，追着的几套也刷新了，那只好，打ringkasan吧...

Dramas：
W- Two worlds, 漫画与现实交叉的世界，一个差不多隔两集就得进一次医院的男主角，和一个整出戏都awkward表情的女主角，和一个为了不狗血而拼命弄到错综复杂的剧本，哥已在第5集完全放弃剧情，只想看完它...

Uncontrollable Fond, 在前天终于结局，让我掉了几滴眼泪，最后还是这种狗血的剧情够传统地吸引观众。男主是私生子，爸爸是大律师，从小到大拼命读书想当律师的他，但一天女友爸爸竟然被女二撞飞，女二爸爸贿赂男主爸爸从中解决问题，女主知道后很beh song，收集了证据，想告律师。男主知道后，开摩托抢她包包，男二，who is 男主的同父异母，在后面顺手开车Bang女主。男主放弃做律师，但太帅做了大明星，然后somehow看医生说有绝症，剩一年命；男二每天以邻家哥哥身份照顾女主，女二是该嫁男二的，so.... 狗血吗？我喜欢啊，吹我啦。

Scarlet heart ryeo, 没看步步惊心，不知原版是怎样，不过这部春宫剧，女生看应该爽到不会叫。一个穿越时光的傻女子，对上一堆王子，和一个不爽她的公主（女神啊！），还是可以看下去的，才第五，啥都还没发生，多少也还是个古代笑片。

Love in the moonlight, my favourite among all of them. Well，是狗血了一点，女扮男装不小心进宫当太监，男主是王子，男二是首相儿子，男二一次搂腰即刻知道他是女人，卧槽神技；男主现在应该…在怀疑自己是Gay吧... 不惜抗旨护太监... 不过宫廷争斗还真的不能变到哪里去... Well 是期待她穿帮后，等她穿女装才有戏看的 🤗🤗🤗

微微一笑很倾城，薇薇好漂亮好可爱❤️ 整出戏就在谈恋爱，一个无告白，无budget，无情敌，无难关，一路顺风，风雨无阻的爱情片：早知今日如此爱你，我当年一定对你一见钟情 --- By 大神

Anime：

Dragon ball super, 延续童年，只是为了满足好奇心…

Re:Zero, 男主角去了幻想世界，一直遇难，但死了会回到原点，一直体验不同的东西，erm... 是EU刑警吗.... 只是一个跳电，另一个要死...

Aldenarin in the sky, 策略型战争，有点科幻的设定，是这季我的最爱

Sousei Onmyoji, 非常一般的阴阳师战斗型，是可以看的...

One Piece & Naruto, 几百集的东西就不用多说咯...

Variety Shows

Weekly idol, 具体是怎样还是自己谷歌吧... OMG this week guest is red velvet 💙💙💙💙

Running man, no description needed

Girls Spirit, 12组不太出名的女团派出Main Vocal来挑战，分两组，每个礼拜选最高票的3首出迷你唱片，让小弟又深厚地了解Kpop了... 看来连华语日本歌都要放弃了... 每次看了都有无比的满足感，好歌，好舞，又有美女😍😍，然后看完又回到空虚的夜晚....

We Got Married, no description needed as well


好像看很多东西酱，可是竟然要pekcek到打Blog，是多么可悲的事 TT

9/9

微微一笑很倾城，其中我听过一个最奇怪的戏名，但因为FB一直有人share这部剧的点滴，直到我看见一个神一般的回话，我忍不住去看了。

“除了夫人的美色，我不接受任何其他的贿赂”

哥不说杨洋，不然会被讲Gay，不过装酷可以酷到这个等级，不知这是神一般的演技，还是本人就是神。80%的无表情，神一般的撩妹对话，加上动作，赢了。

哥现在用2倍的份量说女神郑爽。本人已经是高挑，还要瘦到feel不到腰，大眼睛，长头发，尖下巴，瓜子脸，俏鼻子，（讲到这里，大家都猜到她去过韩国了吧... 不过哥不care)。单凭她的五官和身材，哥的口水已经滴出条河来了…… 角色的设定更是完美，超高等级的实力派online gamer，computer science top student，一个电脑自己凑，凑完就打机，不禁让我想起zihan哥.... 一个读电脑，玩onlinegame 的女生，这个如此不科学，不逻辑，不道德的角色创造，简直就是在给全天下的电脑+工程系假希望。虽然男的角色更加不科学，but i dont care, not my concern. 

整部戏看着郑爽80%被动的受，女生会爱上杨洋的撩妹，把自己幻想成被壁咚，椅咚，床咚，地咚的那个。那男生怎么会看？不会是看杨洋耍帅吧？我呢，就是看女主的反应，对话，神情，让男生就那么一点点想再瞪那可爱的脸久一点。

这是第一部完全不狗血的爱情剧，没有父母的反对，没有什么远近距离，没有门当户对的问题，没有情敌的问题(有的，完全不是对手罢了），没有撞车癌症什么的，也没有什么害羞的问题(好像不表白那种的），要像萧大神一样把妹的话，他教了男士们，只要你有他的样貌，身材，钱财，才华，要大胆追系花？没问题，or else better get lost... 单看这个不科学的剧就深深地影响了我对浪漫的定义，得多多学习..... 总之就是一部看到我10十根手指都cringe起来的爱情剧，太阳的后裔都不够他虐心 😇😇

21/8

Another day of a bad lame basketball match, on 12am. After supper, come to shoot ABC (turtle) wif my lim lim and hung hung, tot it would be empty when we saw a gang of people playing at the other side of the court. As a very experience player, I foresee that they will ask for a 3v3 match, and i eagerly bring out my shoe to prepare.

果然不出哥所料, 1 of the player ask for a game after almost 1hr of shooting turtle, i am alrdy super warmed up =.= high chance their other friends are tired (of cos, 1 hr dude), we were juz shooting ABC so is totally fine, lets game on. they hav 3 player, i would call them fat green, short black and tall 12 (shirt + size).

As a very experience player again, I can sense that 12 is their core player (cos he is wearing jersey 12, duh), so i voluntarily take him on during defense. I leave fat green to lim, well not because they are both fat... (maybe), cos short black looks fast, hung hung should take him on.

As a very experience player x3, strategy planning is very important beforehand. I leave lim to do the shooting, not because he is short...(maybe) but because he wearing slipper. I ask hung to mark on pendek, and i act pro take mr 12 hahaha

As a very experience player x4, after 3 turns of analysis, I had finish analyzing the gameplay and skills for each player, For our team mate, lim gor, missed 4 shots in a row, all send back to the enemy; for hung hung, engine not started yet, only walking around, I am still going slow as a friendly sign. For the opposite team, tall 12 is a shooter, and a very confident one (just like my friend lim); pendek as suspected, fast and high jumps, but clumsy in shooting and ball handling, no offensive skills; fat fat, keep trying to bang lim chee away and score for a layup.

As a very experience player x5, I am very disappointed with the game. 12 should be trying to confront me, but instead he juz shoot in frnt of my face... at first he keep missing, but after that the 9 points comeback and they are in the game point. Lim start scoring, but not enof to neutral back his misses. Hung still... u noe, chilling...

As a very experience player x6, I am very annoyed with the 2 times foul call by tall 12. He insisted that I traveled (walk more than 2 step after the ball stop bouncing on ur hand, or called walking). The first time i didnt notice, cos i did wat i do every time, for the past 7 yrs, since he call a foul, i admit, doesnt matter. The second time, he called again, i was like, WTF?

I look at him, ask him, got meh?

he say: yea.

I try again: But my first step goes wif a bounce.. (so the step is cancelled, and follow up by 2 step ngam ngam)

He say: no it was very obvious, i heard 3 step...

Did he just fucking say he HEARD? wow wtf, telinga awak sugoi-ne?! I was like, wow wat the hell, i look at hung hung, he say he din saw, no one back me up... but all the 3 opponent stare at me, wah like that, ok lo....

As a very experience point guard style player, dribble is my specialty, literally my 1 and only weapon. But every time i try to drive in, "bro, u traveled" OK fine, FINE!

As a very experience player xN, having a plan B ready is always a must. So i switch role to center (Basically staying under basket/low post for supporting), and push my guard role to hung.
And the decisive events came:
---When lim smack people's specs onto the floor.
{Fundamentally it is not wrong, accident happens when 2 people trying to catch a loose ball, but fat green is now blinded :D} p/s bang lim lim and thats wat u get XD
---After smacking people, he start scoring even smoother
---Hung sudden 4 shot consecutive including 1 3-pointer
---I basically just watch frm inside, under the basket...
From 11-19, we wipe their ass til 21-19, keep them in still.

I was excited to play with strangers, but i was very very disappointed. Winning the game was not thrilling at all, it was a boring game. The whole game, opponent only have 2 plays, which is 12 shooting + fat fat layup, but after we, sry, LIM bang him, he became useless. Then when it reaches last ball, I started to get serious and stop 12 from making any easy shoots, and they really dont do anything to counter back. As a good tactician, a successful strategy makes me happy, but an opponent that does not fight back displeased me!!!!! cant believe I switch to plan B because of their unreasonable accuse for foul, on me, TWICE!!

If i really made mistake, i actually will give u the ball GLADLY, tapi aku sekarang hanya nk picit telinga u sampai senget @@ u dengar lagi step i, lain kali nk cuba tap dance je la. I felt stupid giving in to u, and after the match i felt stupid doubting myself, as a very experienced player, its like you are telling me 1 + 1 is not KIYOMI and everybody around agrees to it (tis is suppose to be a joke) Hope tmr wake up can forget bout tis, dont even remember the moment i won zz saddest game i played after weeks of resting TT

10/8

这么多年了，每个人应该有他自己拿手的东西；有些事一个人做的，有些事需要别帮的。大多数生活上东西都是自己一个人做的，只有少数需要到别人。那种聚会，游戏，运动，功课讨论什么的，都是Kacau到不能的事。

我很喜欢和别人一起做事，可以在同样的事上，遇到不一样的人。就像打仗一样，不用很厉害武功，华佗诸葛亮还不是人人抢着要？在一个Gang里，一定要有一个Boss；做么呢？因为就算你是Boss，强逼大家去唱K，都有本事Fail。明明已经成功了，但最后最预想不到人竟然拒绝。但是假如没有Boss，一切是空谈，可能没人会提起。

打篮球，有很多方法赢；就像一条大便有很多种颜色，形状，味道。我不是个个精，但我会我自己一套，可是和别人一起时，你自己那一套，人家会不会？能不能？跟不跟？站在别人立场看东西是一个非常伟大，重要，同时是个很笨的行为。明明可以有一个这么容易的方法进球，但你们就死死要站到远远射球，这时你可能就会发火，直接骂他，你很准吗？你不能传吗？要练射球去对面！但是，这是当一组只有一个笨蛋你才可以这样；假如4对4，3个都是“神”射手，你能怎样？叫他传，另一个人也是射不进；这时的我就会这样想，既然3个都不会跑传，那只好帮他们补篮，希望他们粒粒进。做么要做到这样？3个白痴，不如回家？做么要委屈自己玩到这样不开心？赢了也是他们3个开心，辛苦了你。

这就是现实，几年前开始就注意到的现象；不是每个人都会教你，但就算你愿意解释，也不是每个人愿意学。但是，你会的东西，就一定对吗？站外线射球，其实并没有错，只要你每3粒会进1粒，都算挺准，其他我帮你补，也算得上是一种战术。一定要玩跑传吗？跑到那么辛苦，传错失球，传到也未必进，跑的份量却多了一倍，虽然说是高级战术，不见得可以打败射手。假如人家用你觉得笨到不行的方法打败你，你会怎么想？那家伙就是站在那边，不管你怎样，球到他手，We are doomed。

当你熟一样东西，自然有自己的一套，看见别人用奇奇怪怪的方式做和你同样的东西，难免会偷笑。你会怪他们笨，学不精，但是假如他们的方法其实是Work的时候，你又会看回自己，这些年来坚持的一套，有错吗？不改变，会像Nokia一样被淘汰吗？但是现在的我用这一套做的好好的，有需要变吗？

有需要用到Teamwork的东西，往往没有正确的答案，只要结果满意，过程根本没人理你。但在这么多年，一直learn, develop, improve, change, communicate, analyse, copy, 你会发现你自己就算打了这么多年球，你还是很渺小的。坚持或改变，两者之间也没有对错，但有一样必须做的，就是接受。你可以不跟，但是你不可以否定别人，也不能只固执自己。当你做到什么都可以接受的Level时，突破就在指尖。

8/7

Cant believe i wake up in tears dreaming of me spilling the soup after few hrs of lining up for a famous kari mee, wtf much more sad, stupid, and more regretful things had happened i also dun giv a shit, and i cry over fckin kari mee. Power of Kdrama, emotions are shared and felt through the stupid monitor. I never wanted to watch this drama, cos the name and thumbnail look stupid, "another miss oh".

This Kdrama is dumb. DK wife name OHY ditch him the day of marriage; after a year a guy name TJ is getting marry to a girl name OHY, so to get revenge DK made the guy bankrupt, and then oni find out the OHY are both different people. 

First thing, how can this mistake happen? u dont even bother checking the person and cos of the name u go and boom ppl, kidding me. 

But it completely hook me up, the whole drama successfully str my emotion up. OHY , because of her name (the other OHY is more pretty, smart, they same school, everytime kena compare), she at school kena bully, when ppl call her name, but they r nt finding her, her work was a mess as well, kena bully by supervisor, and 1 day boom fiancee break up wif her telling her "i hate the look of ur face when u eat" (actually he going to jail cos bankrupt). Total wreck, her life was a mess, she was gonna get marry, which is her only best thing in life, pitifully got screwed.

The nice thing to watch is how she handle all this stress. She nvr had consider suicide or killing someone else. She walks confidently to work even thou everyone laugh at her for cancelling marriage the day be4 it, she even cheat everyone telling them she is the one that cancel it, make her sound less embarassing. Goes aroung telling everyone i dump that guy cos he sucks, wearing heavy make up and killing high heels, going blind dates every few days, every night drink until fully wasted, then nxt day go to work like a boss agn. Doesnt matter who talk shit to her, she totally accept and ignore, but when no one is watching, how much tears, how much sadness in the eyes, My life is ruined, but i still have to go on. The mistake was stupid, but how it impact on the MC life, wow tis drama is one hell of a genius. 1 fckin mistake of 2 ppl life, turn in to a 20ep drama, of cos there are some side character, but it mainly revolve among the 2 OHY.

Sad when u r always compared to someone, cos of their excellence u ll always be neglected, always belittled, even after that ur life get screwed juz cos of ur fckin name. Haven finish the whole thing can feel the characters emotion dy, kidding me soup, kidding me.

9/5

wan exam liao, every sem punya routine, when finals come, i suddenly will 才华洋溢，笔下生花，百感交集，every feel exp study feel will pop out. In order to ctrl myself, even no class, i went to uni, here gt no dota, no bball, no piano, actually clear out more time for me to study. And i use my weekend to sapu my current ongoing drama, which is 1 very very bad decision...

A drama that portrait love, family, friendship, and most importantly, youth, 热血是哥的生命. Reply 1988. I tried Reply 1997, it was nt good for me, i couldnt even finish ep1, those flashbacks, those settings, and 1 big culturalal shock when i see eunji 追星 til this crazy level, i was so speechless i just cant proceed... So automatically i didnt try Reply 1994, cos the summary looks boring af... why would i try reply 1988 then, just cos i was bored haha... i finished come bck mister, which is 1 amazing shit, and i scroll thru the website top drama, i notice 1988.

I splited 3 times to finish ep 1, cos its reli boring all the stupid intro, but then wat make me wana giv it 3 shots its because the first part, i saw 周润发 holding the dying 张国荣 in their television and 5 idiots staring it TV, then half way their mum call them bck to hav dinner, sounds just like the childhood i wanted, such close families and friends staying so close to each other, its 1 interesting element. Then the MC (main charac) family, papa love to buy useless thing, mama

always scold him waste money, then big sis and mc will always fight so loud til all neighbour can hear, the youngest bro always tio bully, for the unnie is a smart ass that went college and MC is an idiot that cant study, its 85% similar to my family, how could i nt cont 😂😂😂

After the 2nd ep, u wont be able to stop, cos this drama isnt like those other common drama tat hav those 狗血的情节，the love lines are so unexpected, the friendship and family bond are so well they fckin zha some water out of my eyes, the comedy is very 到位 as well, wif some very nice OST, ahh, ni ma so perfect. This drama has show more than 1 relationship, 姐妹情，长女与父亲无字的爱，姐弟恋，遗失的初恋，好兄弟，and more than 1 life, 天才，永远的打工族，忽然中马票的生活，为了单亲妈妈努力的生活，考试6次不及格的生活，after the intro, everything is so fresh, u cant expect wat is nxt, everyone is their own MC in this drama.

The one that reli make me sad is the guy that miss his final chance to confess, i feel like crying for him, no, i did cried, how can he fail to do wat he is suppose to do everytime, he had the chance, but he lost all his timing. 是红灯的错吗？假如没有那两盏红灯，站在那边，为你撑伞，为你盖多一件外套，牵着你的手的那一个，一定是我。不是，可能我犹豫了，那一霎那我知道她一个人，我就应该抛下一切地去，他做到了。Then the rain heavily fall, radio:"choi teuk has given up an international competition for the first time in his professional carrier with some unknown personal reasons." 车上的他，哭了。

After i sapu everything, i feel so empty, im still inside the 80s' early 90' when all the MC wear high waist jeans during outing and all the ajummas hav afros, watching lee sun hee debut stage on TV, having dinner on the floor wif a small table, so many emotion in 1 drama, 1 ep is 1.30hr, but nt even 1 min is boring, nt many gorgeous or handsome actors/actress are inside, just 1 incredible story, of 5 best friend's life that stayed in sangmundong, in the year 1988. 

18/4

读书比做工舒服，这绝对是大家都认同的东西，假如不是为了钱，谁要做工？不过现在我只是想即刻马上毕业离开这个地方。以前妈妈说，不要为了跟着你的朋友就读那间学校，我只能说，假如你不懂你要读什么屁，跟朋友绝对不会错。像我这种不爱上课，不听书，不温书，又会发梦的人，没有朋友基本上就死了。翘课，你永远都不会知道老师上一堂教过什么；发梦，你连老师讲了考试时间都不知道；不温书，小考忽然来袭无法应付；不听书，教书是有给Tips你也不知道。

那你又会讲，你不去交些朋友？我自己也很意外，我他妈还真是交不到几个朋友。室友是绝对交不到的，每个学期换，房门锁紧紧，想敲门认识下都不好意思。同学是有很多，离开课室后就是陌生人。没有人借功课抄，没有人陪谈天，没有人理你，这种生活，他妈谁想继续读书？你会讲我没有参加社团，进去大家都是一伙的，一个人可以干屁啊？一个人的上课狗屎了，还要一个人搞这些，Haizz……

以前朋友有一个，所以不以为然，现在没有了才看到别人一个Gang上课做Assignment是多么有学校感觉。那你又会怀疑我是怎样pass到大四，我只能告诉你，50分Course Mark，我不用多，给我20就够了，其余的大考我自己解决。拿到烂组员，Assignment哥自己包，10/20；Test没有读，8/20；quiz没有读，3/10；诶，Pass了咯 😂😂😂 

带着正面的心态，每天自我催眠，每天跟比你更不幸的人比，每天跟考得比你差的人比，你就会到一种什么问题都没有问题的境界。谁不喜欢完美？谁不喜欢A？但是又有谁会为了自己不喜欢的东西费到那么大力气？至少我做不出。我遇过许多麻烦，就像现在，我忘了带长裤，进不了校舍，我没有朋友可以借我，商场又还没开，就在附近绕几个圈看下有没有衣店或巴杀，没有？算了咯回来打Blog。可能今天老师Assignment分组了，或者给Quiz，又可能教了些重要东西，不是我不管，可是我啥也做不到，难道要跳楼Meh？

记得我以前不是这样的，我是随便，不过没要到这种程度。现在我看，噢发生了，想下怎样补票，哪儿有时间自责？妈妈小时候就是喜欢吊我，做么你打破玻璃bla bla bla，其实教我怎样解决地上的碎片过后才吊我也不迟吧？这样看来其实这是好事还是坏事我也不清楚... LOL

18/3

finally i open coc, had a rough day, then i saw the chat, uhh so painful, 1 decide to leave, 1 deciding to leave. Then again, as i read it agn, thn see bck the clan list, i feel so speechless. Yes i din atk, my fault, but y nobody ask? u noe u had fb, whatsapp, my phone num, i din mean why u din remind me to atk war, i mean why u don ask me why i don war? then threaten to leave, kidding me we all hav 10yrs+ friendship and 万事没得商量？no explaination no discussion nt even a chance for me to apologize? kidding me!

i remember i protested, i called, i tried my best last time, but i was alone, i was nt recognize. I tried to fight, add policies, but i got ignore by team ace, got fucked by leader, even left the clan disebabkan kezaliman pemimpin, 忠臣下场, but i haven gav up. I nvr had talent to ply games, i don hav skills, i sucks, but i hav leadership, am a tactician, planner, persuader. i pm everyone, every contact i hav, i asked weather u wana join war, wat num u wana atk, wat troops u nid, nid hlp for advice, dont use dragon for this base, don add ppl that afk for this war, wat time r u gonna atk, its ok if u bz for 2nd atk, bro don atk no1..... giv up also i first lor, cos i tried? 

i was forgiving, serious, good donator, even ur baby sitter, keep calling and msg u guys, but no one care, and u guys juz wana quit quit quit, u tried? u try to keep a team together? u try to see other people life schedule? do u noe lun having assignments and school activities? u noe bg had work everyday til late night? NO U DONT. Maxz hav assignments too, skyking have work til late night everyday too, u guys know? NO, u guys wan result, wan win war, wan ppl join war, but u care less about ppl. Even i put red status for 4 wars straight and even pm the person that start war that i dun wan join, and im still in war zzz 他妈有理过哥的感受吗？NO U DONT. 

u guys wana serious in a game? u guys serious about being serious? so wat r u guys serious about? 哥看不到噢？if 5 ppl atk everyone get 2-3 star we will win, then u guys will quiet? win then those guys that don atk can be forgiven?  i protested too, i got ignored. 是Start War 的人的错？Leader 的错？攻的人的错？No，都是我。

不攻是哥的错，哥承认，哥悔过，但哥的心里，除了歉意，只有失望。

17/3 - 18/3

today is the day whr my emotion got challenge the most, i had a really bad day, i felt like shit the whole day, my body feeling very uncomfortable, so tiring but slp 1am wake 6am everyday, didnt even hit the minimum slp requirement, dont talk about games i don even hav the energy to think straight. I think i even hav rashes under my lips, screwed.

But i was so happy i shud be singing k at 5pm, so me happily reach there to hear him say: full sir. So me and kit went to had dinner, and i laosai so badly in that shit piece of toilet, talk about bad toilet experience, and we went to watch movie.

In tis state of me i choose to watch 13 hours, looks like a nice fighting movie but actually NO, it portraits how a soldier defend a base in war, seeing his comrades die, nation abandon them, and a bunch of people to protect, kids at home, shit man, this thing is so real that it literally kills my mentality.  

12am, tired, blurr, juz wana go bck to my dorm, straight down on a dark path, under a street light, a cat jump out. I think i cant avoid it, since its running straight avoiding it might actually hit him, and car coming frm the other lane as well, i cant think of a better way, i step on the brek, then realizing car behind was sticking tight, i let go... 

i hit the emergency signal, i felt my car ran over smthn, if u are a very experience driver, u shud be able to feel it, running over smthn, squash, frnt tire, to the back tire, and my cars damper has funny cricking sounds. I stop my car, i walk out, i don care about cars behind me now, i walk out, ppl horning, i don care, i looked behind, i cant see the cat; i look at my tire, i cant see anythn; 这一刻的我坐回上车，关掉音乐，望前放空，心里除了 “what the fck had i done”, 就只剩空白。

i drove home safely. I kept thinking, i wasnt too fast, the cat jump out too suddenly, i cant avoid, i cant break; banging side cars to keep u alive? or letting ppl bang me from behind? I din do wrong, but why muz u do this to me? is it better if i get bang than i bang u? wouldnt i nt feel so fckin guilty? im convinced its ur fault, but u died in my hands. i din see ur body, but i roll

over smthn, i wish it was just a rock, and u survive between the tires, that was the oni thing that i hope for. 

I hated cats, i got food poisoning twice cos of ur furs, u guys tried to rob my food 4 times as well, i nvr liked u, but nt to the extend to flat u... i cant forgive myself, i dont need forgiveness, i ll carry this mistake for life, but how long would it take for me to cool this incident down? even my first love took me 6 months straight to let go. 

Is it too heartless to think tis way? Maybe. I dont remember things for long, happy or sad, it goes away, hate or love, it doesnt stay forever, if i always think like that, my life goes on; i missed this class, it minus me 2 marks, cant do a shit, forget bout it; my first love, for 8 yrs unchanged love, decided to stop this relationship, cant do a shit, forget bout it; I killed a cat, but if i dun bang it, i got bang, cant do a shit, forget about it; 这是向前，这是逃避，这是面对，还是停留？I nvr doubt my way of thinking, but when i question it, did i get my life? or did i lost it alrdy? 

对人生；太认真？你就输了；不认真？你赢了吗？#我的人生又迈进了一步#

10/3

Delay onset muscle soreness, if u did some quite extreame sports u would probably experience it before. Sometimes i just dont understand my own muscle, there are days that when i try to shoot the ball, my wrist cant bend ideally and the ball just go senget all the way masuk longkang; there are times when my lower body cant follow what im trying to do, i walk same hand same leg; of cos there are times that i hav such reflex that no one can stop me, and i had a great game 2 days ago whr my lower body was so active i run for 2 hrs, fast and slow, break, jump, bend, and DOMS is the nigga that bring out all those pain in 48 hours.

Firstly, wearing lebron 500+ shoe, its good, but i over used it, my socks got holes, my foot has blister, then now all the muscle soreness. My neck cant move properly, both ankle hurts, both knee hav cracking sound when i walk, both shoulder r too tired to even raise up my hands. Everything is screwed up, when u push ur muscle to a limit and not continuing doing so for the nxt few days, the muscle cooldown in a phase that it hurts me. 

Then i play games, and lost in everyone of them. doesnt really wana talk about any of them, but i always tot games is good thing to release stress, in the end its juz a distraction to fill time up, which is smthn i hav a lot. Had a 3-8pm class ytd, sports management and malaysian studies, both are hell. Why sports management has nth to do wif sports? I am basically learning human resource management. And WHY THE FUCK i still need to listen about how the FUCKING PELANDUK kick the FUCKING DOG in to the FUCKING RIVER saw by a FUCKING INDIAN under a FUCKING TREE, please, this day couldnt get anymore shittier. 

Its my bday soon, its nt the main point, the main point is that plus minus 10 days of my bday loudspeaker sing k is totally free. I can just go there lying on the sofa enjoying aircond and base wif free drinks, but i wont go alone. And when this is the time u feel that, even u r in ur country, ur area, ur house, with supposingly a lot of friends around you, no one, can, or wang to join me. I sometimes feel wrong having interests different from other guys, must i actually join u guys go gym, go cc, drink liquor, smoke sisha, go clubbing, only will we get more closer? After joining other gangs, i feel more alone than ever, of cos we still hav shared interest, basketball dota, but this 2 things actually spoil friendship faster than ever. I value teamwork as much as the result of the game, i rather lose than scoring everything myself, thats my way of winning. But everyone has different philosophy, im the strongest, u shud only rely on me, shut up and giv me the ball; oh i cant do this, but i cant pass the ball to other people, might as well just shoot it(self convinced), (and miss), sry guys that situation i cant do anythn (bullshit); then there r guys that wana show off, some like to scold people, as u play longer in sports, u realize everyone think differently, and how much u need to treasure people whose brainwave is in sync with you. 

There are people actually play basketball so that they can bang you; there are people that only know how to win by playing cheat, step on ur leg when u jump, scratch, slap, push, i experienced a lot. I was even 1 of them when i was still in SMK, guys take a longer time to get mature. I cant believe this few days i only slpt 6 hrs a day, i love basketball, but i dont have the right body to play the right sport, no height, no muscle, no size, so what u hav experience, skills and speed, i cant even include speed cos it hurts when i run, i hurts more when i emergency break, maybe i shud juz quit, i will have lesser things to be stress of, maybe. 

2/3

Today my sole uni mate chris finally, finally call me, but of cos, 无事打给我，非奸即盗. He was working at melaka, now coming back to TBS, wan me to fetch him go semenyih friend's place, sun bian hav fun around there. This is my first week of uni start, everyday i hav class, lucky him im in uni, but i could had go home cos my class ends at 10am, and tmr starts at 3pm. But i cant control myself being a nice guy, i decide to go with him. I woke up at 6am, reach school hav class til 10am, fetch him around 11am, he tell me semenyih got good food ok we go semenyih and reach at 12am. p/s: i haven eat anythn at all.

So basically they both work in a small hotel as a, i duno wat position but somehow in this 分店 his friend paling besar 0.0 and he went to melaka outlet for a while, so fun when ur friend's friend's aunty is rich lol but his friend belum finish work, so somehow chris became bangla 1, i became bangla driver, til 3pm, finally, we go eat. 

I actually envy both of them a lot. His friend just finish f5, cos of some connection, now he is the supervisor of this hotel, sula suka pick any room as his bedroom, work frm 8am-3pm with 2.5k per month, can go chill smoke drink anytime he wan (he paling besar), of cos he has to work everyday la. Di di ngo nxt time come out 8-6pm mon-sat also duno got 2.5k or not, work dao so 无忧无虑, i jealous like shit. Handle check in out, key in computer, make sure account is correct, solve guests problem, handle workers salary, ok siap 1 bulan. 

Maybe u might think i hav no ambition, but like him alrdy working after spm, compare to my ptptn debt, i feel lagi low than him, and he is nt stopping, how u know mayb after a few months he get to transfer to HQ become smthn else, thinking later 3pm i hav class, i juz wana keep on slpin in this hotel room TT 

every friends hav their own story, its juz tat during my SMK time my gang only wan a degree, and it became my only choice as well. After joining so many gangs, i see so many ppl with diff colourful 出路, but tat time i alrdy survive 2nd yr degree, puki canot run liao. Last time mama keep telling me u come out wif a degree then u can work as anythn u like, i was stupid i shud had juz picked finance, doesnt mean i ll do well in it, but i definitely aint doing well in engineering, the only good thing about me is i haven fail, yet. What to do, time to go class, today til 8pm TT